Damn emo today...
The recording turned out to be emo too...
Haas...

When you love someone, let them go.
When they come back, set them on fire!

Haas... Saw sheryl wearing a tee writing this b4.
Damn nice...

Haven blogged for sometime and ppl are starting to ask me why...
Cos i nv come online lor...
Too much social activities...
LOL...

The BBQ at James was great...
Gave all my frens huggs before I left...
Sa happy!!!
Hugging really makes ppl feel happy...

Anyway, christmas was spent on my bed...
I was bed-bounded with illness...
Sad right...
Haas...

Went out with py last sat...
Went to Vivo...
Got presents for my younger cousins...
Bought spongebox for the youngest one!!!
LOL... damn cute lah...
After tt went to my aunt's hse for celebration...

Sunday met up with Dustin...
Went to eat cakes!!!
LOL...
We ordered a lot lah...
Haas...
Then the waitress ask if we want to move to a bigger table...
So we moved from a two seater to a five seater!!!
LOL...
And the table was filled with the food we ordered!!!
Haas...

Then after tt meet my mum's side family at Partyworld!!!
Haas...
Stayed there till around 2 plus i think...
LOL...
The fun part was the countdown for christmas!
The whole room was damn high lah...
And again, I recieved lots of huggs!!!
I love huggs... Hee...

Went to the gym today even though I'm not fully recovered...
Went with Aimran...
He's so funny...
Haas...
Had to work out due to too much drinks and food...
Haas...
Calories from alcoholic drinks can be quite a lot...
Shld stop drinking...
Haas...

Didnt feel very well today..
Was having difficulties breathing at James place today...
Now still having a little difficulty...
My body is getting weaker! Oh no!!!

I cant be weak...
Haas...

Pearlin's off to bed!!! =)

Went to Vivo with Pui Yoke ystd.
My sis came along with us.
Bought christmas presents for all my younger cousins!
Yippy!!!

Anyway, went to my aunt's hse after tt.
Both sides of her family came.
There were like a whole lot of ppl lah...
Three majong tables, two cards den & lots of chatting clique.

Pulled my mum into the room whereby my sis is playing cards in & watch tv!!!
LOL...
Then I lied doen my my mum's lap & fell asleep...
It's been years since I've done tt...
Felt so safe & comfortable!
I love my mum...

*I am going to forget him lastest on the 31st Dec 2359hours.

Just to update although I'm not really in the mood.
Have been really busy the entire week...
Tuition, assignments, meetings, outings with my pri, sec & poly frens...

Have been drinking a little too often recently...
My rashes can nv be fully gone...
Haas...
Cos everytime it's abt to recover, I drink again...
LOL...
I've been taking in too much calories due to drinks...

Anyway, drank red wine on Ian's bdae...
It was quite nice...
Then drank something fruity ystd also...
The others not so nice, so I cant rem le...

Time to really let Felix go and get on with my life...
I've got to much things to care abt, & i cant let my feelings for him pull me abt any longer...
I cant afford to...

Anyway, he's got a few girls tt he wanna woo in mind already it think...
Probably abt two or more bah...
I also not very sure...

I am now inexsistent in his eyes...
So much about being my umbrella or even raincoat...
Talk cork...
Where were u when I called u for help ystd?

Nvm...
Ystd was a disaster...
Dun feel like talking abt it...

Bad mood...

Please dun rain tml!!!
I wanna get tanned!

I cant wait for christmas to come!
I want presents!
*hinting, hinting!!!

Ian opened my mind...

Ian just told me something today tt strucked me really hard...
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

I was looking thru my smses today.

He said he'll miss me as much as he miss his meals.
Look at it from the other away.
He nv miss meals = he'll nv miss me.

LOL.
Maybe that was really what he meant.

Wed - recording in Studio C with Spicer and the band.






Went to club after that.
PhunkBar.
Not much ppl's there.
No one dancing, wanted to dance but cant.
Dun dare to dance alone on the dance floor.



Thurs went to Mr Prata to eat with sweetie.
Damn nice.
I ate mushroom and cheese as well as egg prata.
Sweetie ate cheese and egg prata.
It was great.



Friday morning was great.
But after that I slipped while I went home to grab my stuff.
I slipped beautifully sia.
Without a sound and slowly.
I took a few seconds to fall.
Haha...



After tt, came back to sch.
Met Ian and ltr Stephan.
Ate ice-cream waffle at FC 3.
Love it! Yummy, yummy!!!



Went to mobily (did i get the spelling right?) after tt
Then played pool there.
Im really bad at it sia...
Ian played with one hand lah,
(reminded me of sweetie),
and he kept going in!!!!
It's like WTH!?!?!



After that went for camp le...
It was quite fun.
But tiring. I only slept for 1.5 hours.
Chatted with derrick and cheryl (did i get the names right?) till 5.30 in e morning.
Fun sia.
Talked about music stuffs.


I need to thank Barnet for lending me his jacket.
If not I would have died in the cold... LOL...
It was really cold lah...



The camp ended with a lot of ppl getting blisters due to playing in the sun without shoes.
Haas... And I'm one of them.



Photos taken there:

Chatted with Dion about some stuffs today...
Didn't noe who to talk to abt it and was afraid of how ppl will look at me if I said it out...
But well, I managed to tell here and I feel tons better now...
Thanks Dion... And I hope you feel better too!

No, I am not cheap...
Neither am I a bitch or a slut...
I love myself even if nobody does...
Haha...
But I noe tt my frens love me!!! haha

Met Medwin on the way to sch...
I feel so short standing next to him without heels sia...
Felt like standing next to a big brother...
So safe and secure... LOL...

Now Grace's going thru our tutorial questions but no one seems to be listening sia...
And that includes me! LOL...
Sorry Grace... But I still love you! haha...

Grace showed us an animation of the vibration of our vocal cords...
But, it looked like porn...
Haha... Looked like a pussy... LOL...

Having tuition with Fabian tonight...
Hopefully he did his homework...
If not, I think I've to punish him le...
This cant go on like that...

I am trying to keep myself busy to take my mind off him...
LOL... But I am thinking of him now...
I am so useless...

Saw him at the foodcourt during lunch break just now...
Cant stop myself looking at him...
Even Dion realised...
She blocked me from looking at him when I am standing up to leave...
A little sad lah...
Cant even take a last look at him...

I am making it seem like I am dying today...
LOL...
But who really noes?
It really might happen...
Thta's why I treasure every moment with my frens and family members...
So there aren't many parts of my life that I regretted...
But his was one...

There could be fog
Or maybe just a mist
And inexplicably I'll fade to white
Vanish, and be gone
Or it could be night
And I'll be darkly dressed,
Evading easy definition
And as your eye's distracted
By a falling leaf
I'll merge with restless shadows
And be gone

Then you will discover
What emptiness is

A space so hollow
Even its own walls are swallowed up

A quality of missing
So intense
A lack, a lack

Each hour more bottomless than the last
Until your heart cries out,
A howl of forfeiture

But it will be nothing
Ashen silence where I used to sing
And deafness

The howl must strike the right resonant frequency
A wail that echoes all to the ends of time
To fill the gaping void in whole, looping wavelengths
From the well of your soul, such loneliness
To make Siberian wolves hang heads for shame
In their convivial packs

Then, only then
Might you detect my footprints, indistinct
Marking the morning dew fall

Perhaps glimpse a puff of breath
in the cold, dawn air

You must utter
A howl so desolate, it

Jerks you from your sleep
To find me warm beside you on your pillow

And you will know how
Close you were to the brink
Of the abyss

And know what missing is
And hold me.

I met a friend on my way back home from tuition today...
The last time I saw her was four years ago...
But what's scary was, she had a two yr old kid with her...

I felt sorry for her suddenly...
A 17th yr old already has a family to think of...
She used to be this happy and cheerful petite cute girl...
But now?
She's tied down with family burdens...
She has to give up studying and take care of a kid...

She's still smiling but can anyone see what's under that smile?
Can anyone see her stress and pain?
Can anyone feel what's she's feeling?

After talking to her for a while and trying to force her to talk, she finally broke down and cry...
Cry girl, let all your tears flow...
I'll hold you tight for now when u are at ur weakess...
Cry to your heart's content...
And cry out all the unhappiness, stress, and pain...

She's gonna hang on and bring up her kid well...
She's gonna be strong and hang on all the way...
Woman are great...
They are built such that they will still hang on no matter what...
It's painful, tiring and stressful, but they'll still hang on...

I was thinking a lot after meeting her and on my way home...
Almost got knocked down by a car...
Thank goodness it's still not time for me to die yet...
Haha...

Anyway, I made my mum cry just now...
Before the tution, I was watching the replay of channel U's "Superstar"...
And one for the contestant actually said "If you are still around, I want you Tears rolled down my cheeks...
I am such an emotional person...
Then my mum asked me why I am tearing...
I told her and started crying...
LOL... And she started crying and laughing at the same time...
She knew that I missed my dad...
And she's laughing at me cos I let tt trigger off my emotions...

Yeah, I miss him...
Tons...
I would happily give up everything except for my other loved ones to have him back...
I should go and visit him someday...
Wondering who would go with me...

I have succeeded on not contacting him for 2 days le...
Feeling a little empty but I think I can make it...
I will and I have to make it...

Through The Rain by Mariah Carie

When you get caught in the rain
With nowhere to run
When you’re distraught and in pain
Without anyone

We keep prayin’ to saved
But nobody comes
And you feel so far away
That you just can’t

Find your way home
You can get there alone
It’s okay
When you say

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again
On my own and I know
That I’m strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid
I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day
And I make it through the rain

And if you keep falling down
Don’t you dare give in
You will arise safe and sound
So keep pressing on

Step fastly
And you’ll find what you need
To prepare
What you say

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again
On my own and I know
That I’m strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid
I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day
And I make it through the rain

And when the wind moves
And shadows grow close
Don’t be afraid
There’s nothing you can’t face

And sure they tell you
You’ll never pull through
Don’t hesitate
Stay calm and sane

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again
On my own and I know
That I’m strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid
I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day
And I make it through the rain

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again
And I live one more day
And I’ll make it through the rain

Had another new hairstyle today!
Haha...
Tied my hair to one side...
Most of the ppl I met say not bad...
Some of the 01 class ppl cant even recgonise me! LOL...

Anyway, today's our performance at Suntec...
It was a private event...
Held at the NUS guild...

Had a nice time there and I had lots of desserts!
Cakes there were great man!
Haha...
Anyway, we had a nice time performing too!
Actually, we were enjoying our time playing together rather than performing...
It wasn't really a performance for us...

Oh, btw, I am the only yr 1 in the grp...
Actually still got Fang de...
I think the yr 2s are all mad...
Haha...
The are so crazy and high lah...
They were playing with the napkins!
Trying to fold all sorts of things...
Haha...
And we even put one of the napkins on Spicer's head...
We were trying to make him look like a sultan! LOL...

Anyway, after the performance, we were each given a 30 bucks taka voucher...
Haha... Not bad lah...
But if cash better! haha

After tt, we packed up and returned back to sch...
Unloaded everything in mins and Spicer sent me home, together with Roysten and Wei Xiong who alighted at gombak mrt station...
Reached home at abt 11.35pm...

Some pics of the day!

haha...
I just realised how bitter I've been for the past few weeks since our breakup...
Haha...
And after thinking thru all my actions and feelings, I don't fear lost now...
If it works out, great!
If it doesn't, we'll be frens! haha
Well, we can still be great frens since we have quite a few similarities...
Like sleeping till late and studying last min! haha
I feel so much better now man...
Probably also due to my detox session!
Wahaha!!!

Haha...
Watching GAGS now...
Damn funny...
Anyway, ystd went to SMIT's talentime...
Some groups were really great man!
And he looks great too! (hehe)
Sat between Stephan and Ian...
Damn funny sia....
They have so much to say...
But I dun deny that the sound system was quite bad lah...
And some groups mixing and balance was really out...
Then some the mic gain to high so the voice very airy...
So it's not the singer's fault, but the sound engineer's fault!

It was raining when I reached gombak, but I still walked home...
Very long nv walk in the rain le...
So I took my own sweet time to walk home in the rain...
Shiok!

Today came home real early..
Reached home at abt 7pm...
Abit weird to walk home when the sky isn't dark yet...
Haha...
I wanna do my nails today...
Gotta look good for my performance tml!!!
Haha... Still thinking of what to wear tml...

Tiring but fruitful day

Woke up early in the morning to have breakfast with my mum...
After that then realised there's no one to take du jing ban today (qsn is so... ... nvm...)
So I went to take du jing...
It was the 5 most mischevious kids...
Had a hard time settling them down and making them du jing...
But I just realised that they seem to like me a lot...
Everyone of them, including the boy is fighting to sit beside me... haha...
They all want my attention and hugs (this excludes the boy of course)...
I am just so lovable!!! haha

They were fun to play with, but by the time everything ends, I was drop dead tired...
Went home to slp for a while b4 I had to meet Dustin...
He qui dao today le wor! so happy for him!

By the time I come home after meeting him is around 6pm le...
Wanted to slack for awhile b4 giving tuition de...
But didn't manage to...
The phone rang just when I on the com...
Sian right?

However, the kid was better then I expect...
It made the "sianess" much better...
He's mischevious but he was willing to do work also...
I prefer mischevious and honest kids rather than "act guai" ones...
When I ask him something like "why was your whole page wrong?", he will tell the truth like "I was anxious to go for recess lor."
I like this kind of tuition kids better...
I had so much fun with him...
We aim to let him score 90 marks in Primary 3 although he's failing now...
We can do it together!

I need to slp early tonight le...
Shit! I haven practice my wind-controller!
ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Jiayou, jiayou, jiayou!!!

Thursday was the GM meeting...
Nothing much...
Still thinking of whether i should go to the PJ...
Sian sia...
If they take away my hp again how?
Dun like it...

Anyway, friday had rehearsal from 12.30 to 5 plus...
Tiring but fruitful...
Haven practice today sia..
Got to memorise everything by wed's performance...
Dunno whether can anot...
Mon and tue got rehearsals again...
Jia you, jia you, jia you!

Tml's the first time I'll be meeting my tuition kid...
Fabian's his name...
Hope he wont be very hard to tutor!

My aunt wants me to teach Xiaver(my cousin)
20 bucks an hour...
Still can bah...
Although he's quite hard to control...
But for money and kinship, okay lor...

So next week's pack again...
Mon - rehearsal
Tue - rehearsal
Wed - performance
Thurs - FO grp meeting
Fri - tuition for Xiaver
Sat - Tuition for Quan Yuan
Sun - tution for Fabian

Things might turn better for felix and me...
He would be glad to have me by his side...
But we really need to talk and plan first...
And there're lots of questions in my head..
We'll be back together if everything gets sorted, or sort of sorted out...
I can only wish for the best...

I am still wondering how impt I am to him...
He hasn't msg me for the whole day...
See how it goes bah...
I've really think it thru le...
If I am not really in his heart, no point of getting together again anyway...

Thanks for all my frens who care!
I know I can lean on you guys! =P

Haven't been blogging for a few days...

Tuesday came home after the meeting...
Wednesday had rehearsals with electronics group till 7 plus and then went to eat with all of them...
We went to Cityhall and went to subway to eat...
First time I eated there...
The cookies very nice...
After that we walked to Clark Quey and Boat Quey...
Went home at 10 plus...
Took some photos...

In the studio, about to leave...


At Subway...
Jamie and Royston...


Wei Xiong and Jasmine... (BGR)


On the way to Clark Quey...




Clark Quey...