My thanks for 2008.

It's coming to the end of 2008 and I have a few special people to thank for helping me pull through this year. Without them, I won't know where I'll be right now (probably pretty screwed up). It's very long, so you can choose not to read it.

Thank you Ginny, for supporting me through whatever I wanna do. You are a great listener despite all my rantings. Your support brought me through a lot of things.

Thank you Audrey, for always being my friend, no matter how I am.

Thank you Chloe, for passing me some of your happiness and cheerful spirit!

Thank you Evan, for being there, whether you are in good temper or not. :P

Thank you Felix, for dropping by my phone whenever I need someone to flare up at... And thank you for showing me the blatant and painful truth every time. Can't you let me live in my own world sometimes? Haha... You've been a great source of destress.

Thank you Pei Ling, for pulling through the camp with me, no matter what the end result will be.

Thank you Jimmy, for tolerating the shit that I've given you due to my project. Thank you for helping me so much.

Thank you Pei Zhen for being closer to me now. It's another burden off my shoulders and being closer to my sister means a lot to me! Blood is still thicker than water.

Of course, not forgetting general thanks to everyone else.

Thank you DMAT lecturers for helping me whenever you can. Your care and concerns for me can be deeply felt.

Thank you 'DMAT the 2nd' for all the fun times they have given me this year. Being in class can be very stress-relieving with all the jokes going around. I love all the self-proclaimed "tea breaks" too! :)... For those of you who helped me in my work, thank you too! I know who you are, but if I write it out, the list will be too long.. Haha...

Thank you to all my other relatives and friends who cared and stayed by me this year. I know I dun really show concern to you guys often. So, thank you for being my friend. =)

Lastly, thank you baby, for standing by me no matter how much I've changed or how cold I am to you sometimes. Your love and support means a lot to me. Thank you for taking care of me even when you aren't feeling good yourself. Thank you for putting me above everything else.

Ok, as usual, time to stress and motivate myself. =(


Deadlines

2 Jan - Arranging (Close to you)
8 Jan - Songwriting (Changes)
14 Jan - MUMI (Mother's Day clip)
28 Jan - Arranging (large ensemble)
4 Feb - MUMI (collaboration with DDM)
6 Feb - REMT surround sound
11 Feb - POD final submission


Ok, I am feeling stressed now... *biting my nails*

No, I'm not going to forgive you and give way to you till you say sorry... The world doesn't revolve around you, and you have to be responsible for your actions.

Absolutely no mood in doing any work... My eyes hurt badly and I find it hard to keep it open... I wonder how I can bite through this all and survive in the end... But I know, somehow or rather, I will make it through... Just not with flying colours...

Everything's driving me mad other than friends - family, sch, relationships, work, etc.

I wanna break free...

It scares me to know how much you check on me when I thought I had all the freedom in the world. It's too much of a coincidence for it to be true... It's not like it's the first few sms, it's way back...

It scares me, scares me so much that you are posessive in your own way... You sort of give me freedom, but controls in from behind... It's so scary that my I'm having goosebumps while writing this.

Your face shows no weird emotion even when you are investigating me... You can still smile at me when I ask you what's wrong... I can't tell at all... And this is freakingly scary... Like I've kept a time-bomb close beside me...

And yes, this is driving me mad... It's not anyone, but you... The one I held so dear...

The song "t-shirt" is stuck in my head again...

Ah... I need a break! Year 3 life is emotionally stressful... LOL...

Everytime I just feel like I'm on the verge of breaking down any moment and then I don't... LOL... so tiring man... Thank goodness there are friends beside me to lean on when I'm tired and cheer me up with jokes when I'm not in a good mood.

Now that 2008 is coming to an end soon, I wanna thank all the people that made a difference in my life this year. Everyone who have given me every little support, even if it's in the form of an sms or a pat on the shoulder. Thank you :)

I finally managed to compose an email to him after loads of tears and pain... I don't know how I can hold my head up high towards him from today on. Feel like a criminal :(

Really dunno how to write to Jimmy about the camp. I just can't seem to phrase anything right... I feel so bad towards him. It's now no longer about results, but the fact that he trusted us to do this right --- And we screw it up instead. I feel that I've let him and other lecturers down...

I find writing the email such a painful process... The camp was like my baby. And now I'm killing it before it becomes a monster... It's like having an abortion after you realised that your baby won't be able to grow well... And i've allowed my baby to grow from May till now... Should have aborted it earlier... It's dangerous to abort after 3 months and that is precisely the situation that I am in.

No longer thinking of doing well. Just wanna pass and get out of here. I am giving myself more stress than I can handle...

Super emotional these days...

Super super tired... Guess I am not the only one... So tired that I feel like vomiting every single day...

A few things are on hand now:
1. Music Camp - TV interview, finding people still
2. MUMI Assignment 3 and 4
3. ARR Assignment 3 and 4
4. POD Presentation on Mon
5. Resume
6. Interview

Can't remember the others... LOL... Too tired le...

Heard a bad news today... Damn sad... Putting all my sadness into doing work... So I'm super efficient now other than the fact that I keep feeling like vomiting... Damn...

So tired... I seem to find everything (including simple stuff) to be taking a lot of effort these days. Maybe I old le... Haha... Year 3 in DMAT is really not easy... But I'll get pass it! I will! And I must! With flying colours.

I am just trying to encourage myself for a little. Haha... I bought Jay's Album today. It's quite good. Very Jay style and enjoyable.

Blogging to rem my info... haas... weird way, but hopefully it helps...

Chord Scales

Major Key:
Imaj7 IImin7 IIImin7 IVmaj7 V7 VImin7 VIImin7b5

Minor Key:
Imin7 IImin7b5 bIIImaj7 IVmin7 Vmin7 bVImaj7 bVII7


Chord Theory

Major 7th: 1 3 5 7

Minor 7th: 1 b3 5 b7

Dominant 7th: 1 3 5 b7

Augmented 7th: 1 3 #5 b7

Diminished 7th: 1 b3 b5 bb7

Half diminished 7th: 1 b3 b5 b7


Scale Theory

Minor (natural): 1 2 b3 4 5 b6 b7

Minor (harmonic): 1 2 b3 4 5 b6 7

Minor (melodic - up): 1 2 b3 4 5 6 7

Minor (melodic - down): b7 b6 5 4 b3 2 1


Woodwind instruments

Piccolo (8va)
Flute (x)
Oboe (x)
Cor anglais (P5 down)
Bassoon (x)
Bb Clarinet (M2 down)
A Clarinet (m3 down)
Eb Clarinet (m3 up)
Bass Clarinet (M9 down)
Contra Bassoon (x)


Horn

Bb Soprano Sax (M2 down)
Eb Alto Sax (M6 down)
Bb Tenor Sax (M9 down)
Eb Alto Saxophone (8vb + M6 down)


Brass

Bb Trumpet (M2 down)
Bb Cornet (M2 down)
French Horn (P5 down)
Bb Trombone (x)
Bb Bass Trombone (x)
Tuba (x)


Strings

Violin (x)
Viola (x)
Cello (x)
Doublebass (8vb)
Guitar (8vb)
Electric Bass (8vb)


Percussion

Timpani (x)
Snare Drum (x)
Bass Drum (x)
Cymbal (x)
Vibes (x)
Marimba (x)
Xylophone (8va)
Celesta (8va)
Piano (x)
Harp
Glokespiel (2 8va)

Went out slightly with Audrey ystd and it was great fun. Glad everything's cleared! I'm so happy!

Read a chinese love story novel ystd and the pain in my heart caused me to tear. Haas. I am so emotional.

Loads of things to complete within these few weeks. shan't list them down as I am already stressed enough. Don't need to help seeing them. Haas... Escaping!

Something funny happened today. Sly's "je" on facebook text me asking about him. LOL... I acted blur and ask her who she is... Such a funny person... Haas...

I wanna go for a few concerts and clinics. For now, 8 nov and 20 nov is booked for concerts! Yeah!!!

Just finished watching "Lust, Caution". Feeling loads of emotions at one go... Desperately emo... Don't like the ending at all. I never liked unhappy endings. Why must love be ever linked with caution? Why must someone love cautiously? I don't like it...

Love is a free emotion. Hurt not your love ones...
But we always do. Who am I to talk about these? Haas...

Anyways, school starts tml. Days and days of working non-stop shall be starting. Part of me looks forward to it. I wanna see how much I can grow and stretch myself. Another part loathes it. Haas... I am so complicated. Whatever...

Many things running through my mind. Past, future, now...

May I be guided along the right way...

Went back to school yesterday for electronic band practice. I kindda missed it quite a lot. Wanted to keep playing the baritone sax... So nice... I got some bruises on my neck due to it though. Haas... But still... shoik!

Finding it very hard to get inspired and write lyrics now. No words and rhymes seem to want to come into my head now...

Gonna list down the things that I have to do today:
1. Gantt chart for POD camp
2. Look through camp stuffs in detail
3. Write lyrics (POD and songwriting)

Argh... Can something inspire me please? Or can anyone slap me to wake my brain up please!

Am still sick... Cant even go to school to do work. I am in deep shit. Nothing's done yet and they are all quite major.

POD isn't going well. Cant seem to get any schools or any participants at all. DIE... 16 credit units. ARGH. So stressed. It's the module that makes or breaks my final GPA.

Gotta give tuition on sat. Hope I can go. Dun wanna leave a bad impression on my first few lessons.

Vera's pulling her hair out at home but can't do anything about it due to being sick. DIMMIT!!!

Ok, I am here to complain, complain and complain... So if you can't take it, please don't read it. I've warned you! :)

Been sick the past few days, like seriously seriously sick. Coughing only during the night (my cough is nocturnal like me) and having to do crap in the morning. My family organised this "gong tek" thing for my dad, my grandparents, my great grandparents as well as some other dead relatives. So there was a lot of praying, folding of hell bank notes and of course burning of incense. And you know how much everything for 2 days cost? 20k. It's crazy man. I rather give that kindda money to poorer people. That might be more meaningful. I mean, they are dead, why not spend the money on living people who might die without the money?

Anyways, I went there for these 2 days with the preparation to be scolded and to face shit. Thankfully, I was prepared for the worst. So nothing that I faced there was worst than what I've guess. I treated every shit like a joke, so like you probably guessed, these 2 days were real funny. The first day started with me greeting a relative, and as I was sick, she couldn't hear me over the noise. So she looked at me and said, "Wah, now grow up already dunno how to greet people already is it?" LOL... My sis asked me to reply, "Wah, now you old already cannot hear already is it?". Of course I didn't say anything. But it's really funny.

My sis got scolded a lot on the second day, for no obvious reasons too. Haas. And the adult insisted that he's right. Damn, my mum was angry at him. Haas. Everything look like a joke to me still. Oh, and loads of people cried when they say my dad's pic. I didn't feel a thing, not even a pinch. I was wondering why they cried. I think I have come to terms that he's gone forever and nothing can bring him back. He's still me beloved father and the one I look upon and respect, but I need not cry cause it'll not bring him back anyway.

Well, I shan't write the other jokes cos it'll take half the day to talk about them. Ask me if you're interested. That's all :)

Got to start working for my assignments tml. Tml is the day. Partly looking forward and yet dreading it. It's back to the cold and hard seats in school.

Practice resumes tml. I hope I remembr to bring my scores! LOL... Missing the baritone sax. Lets spice it up baby! When the sexy sax comes in~~~

Missing school loads and I have a number of ppl on my list to meet still. Hope I can catch them this holidays! Oh man, I miss the beach.

what I wanna do tml:
- arrange my remt
- practice hard

For now, back to movies! :)

Once and once again, you hurt me.

Tons and tons of scars you inflict on me.

Days and days of blaming me.

When is it ever enough?

When can you stop it?

When can you open your eyes and look at what I have done for you?

I long to be gone.

I long to fly away and fly up high, into my sky.

I long to let the rain wash away my tears.

I long to be loved once again, when hurt was never in my dictionary of words.

And yet, I still stay by you.

Maybe, maybe I'll be gone one day.

Take care if that ever ever happens.

For now, open your eyes and look at me.

Ystd was fun as I got to eat Gelare again!!! Haas... So happy... But sad that I cant finish it... Stupid stomach. I think my gastric weak leh... Then now my lungs also. Happy happy just give me cough. Dimmit!

Ok... Today finally got mood to talk about Poly Forum! Haas... Btw, if you guys haven't noticed, I am back!!! Tada!!!

Poly Forum started of seriously boring, team building games and such. Then we went to bowl. That was fun and I scored 84 points I think :). It was fun watching Chloe play! So cute... Haas... Anyways, we had BBQ session that night and it turned out to be a sharing session of jokes and such. Quite fun. Spent a whole night talking about stage managing and stuffs later in the night.

So the second day was tiring after not sleeping the night before. But like always, I am more high when I am tired. We went to Hortpark to practice. didn't know such a place existed. A very nice place indeed, if not for the hot hot weather. Practicing under the hot sun is not fun at all, especially when you are in dark blue top and skinnies. Felt like fainting... After that we had a teranium workshop. I just wanted to get over and done with during that. Had some sleep on the second night.

Third day was crazy. Kept rushing about, being the makeup artist as the others aren't available. quite fun though seeing the guys faces and hear them complaint about makeup. Haha. I am evil!!! Anyways, didn't have much time to do my makeup and it was done in a rush. Thankfully, it turned out ok. Just ok. The rehearsal was normal and I was a little afraid that I'll forget stuffs during the performance. Then before I know, the performance has started and it was seriously AWESOME!!! I had real fun and I remembered every single shit. Haas. Kept screaming during the performance. I guess the good thing about percussion is that your mouth is free during performance... There were lots of cam whoring time during the wait for the next performance and talking cock time! LOL... The party after the performance was crazy too! I forgot all about the pain in my toes and the tiredness of my body and kept jumping in heels! LOL... That night was ok... Everyone's tired and wanted to sleep already. I managed to get to the beach but not for long. Mei Xian didn't allow me to stay there myself :(... Managed to get there before sunrise too! Yay! I miss it still... The cool breeze blowing through your hair and the beautiful colours that lights up the sky... Shiok. Thanks to Charles and Mei Xianfor going there with me! :)

Made a lot of friends there during the Poly Forum. Ridwan, Fi Fi, Alif, Amir, JK, Tiac Woooooo, Kit, Jokhie, Charles, Faiz, Eugene, Sylvester, Hanifi, Samuel, Mei Xian, and loads others. Sorry if I miss out any names... Those that I know beforehand not included! Haas... Miss you guys... Loads... Oh, and not forgetting Han and Rene! and my percussion student facilitator. I think she's younger than me! :)

Eww... Everything that goes down feels like coming out. How do I gain more weight and fats at this rate? Dimmit!!! Nothing to do just now, so I did something to one of my pics with earphones. I like the effect it gave. Limegreen :)




Pretty right? LOL... **Vomit**

Anyways, class outing tml... Time to cycle and work my leg muscles! Tone it girl, tone it! Maybe going for a dip in the pool tml? Relax and chill my back... Aching like shit still... Water therapy? Haas... Anyways, saw something interesting today.

Psychology depicts love as a cognitive and social phenomenon. Psychologist Robert Sternberg formulated a triangular theory of love and argued that love has 3 different components: intimacy, commitment, and passion. Intimacy is a form in which 2 people share confidences and various details of their personal lives (usually in friendships and romantic love affairs). Commitment, on the other hand, is the expetation that the relationship is permanent. The last and most common form of love is sexual attraction and passion. Passionate love is shown in infatuation as well as romantic love. All forms of love are viewed as varying combinations of these 3 components.

Following developments in electrical theories, such as Coulomb's law, which showed that positive and negative charges attract, analogs in human life were developed, such as "opposites attract". However, in the last century, research on the nature of human mating has generally found this not to be true. Infact, people tend to like people similar to themselves (I agree!). However, in a few and unusual and specific domains, suchas immune systems, it seems that humans prefer others who ae unlike themselves, since this will lead to a baby which has the best of both worlds (interesting! I also want!). In recent years, various uman bonding theories have been developed, described in terms of attachments, ties, bonds and affinities.

Some western authorities disaggregate into 2 main components, the altruistic and narcissistic. The view is represented in the works of Scott Pect, whose works in the field of applied psychology explored the definitions of love and evil. He maintians that love is a combination of the "cpncern for the spiritual growth of another" and simple narcissism. In combination, love is an activity, no simply a feeling.

Love is an activity! Come on! Let's love!

Something is freaking wrong with my body. I have absolutely no appetitie and I feel like vomitting out every thing I ate... Crazy body!

Why would anyone want a boyfriend who's hair is pink, walks and acts like a sissy and everything about him is nothing but pink? and he's nowhere near cool to start with.

Sorry, I am being random. Just needed to get it out.

Btw, peeps! I am officially back from Poly Forum and I need to get started with my assignments! POD 1 and 2, songwriting (haven't handed it it yet) and REMT (which I hope to do with Chloe and Grace)...

Looking forward to the class gathering BBQ tml evening. Missing my fellow DMATs. Dun ask me why, I just miss them!

I wanna get my life back. I've been living without a life for far too long and it's sickening. LOL...

I recieved an email from a friend today and this is what it says:


Dancing With God

When I meditated on the word Guidance,
I kept seeing 'dance' at the end of the word.
I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like dancing.
When two people try to lead, nothing feels right.
The movement doesn't flow with the music,
and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky.
When one person realises that, and lets the other lead,
both bodies begin to flow with the music.
One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back
or by pressing lightly in one direction or another.
It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully.
The dance takes surrender, willingness,
and attentiveness from one person
and gentle guidance and skill from the other.

My eyes drew back to the word Guidance.
When I saw 'G', I thought of God, followed by 'u' and 'i'.
"God, 'u' and 'i' 'dance'."
God, you and I dance.
As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust
that I would get guidance about my life.
Once again, I became willing to let God lead.
My prayer for you today is that God's blessings
and mercies be upon you on this day and everyday.
May you abide in God as God abides in you.
Dance together with God, trusting God to lead
and to guide you through each season of your life.
This prayer is powerful and there is nothing attached.
If God has done anything for you in your life,
please share this message with someone else,
for prayer is one of the best gifts we can recieve.
There is no cost but a lot of rewards,
so let's continue to pray for one another.
And I Hope You Dance


I am not a christian but I do believe in God (a person with different names in different religions). And I extend this prayer to all my friends and loved ones.

Always look at what you have left. Never look at what you have lost. - Robert H. Schuller

I look at some of my old friends now and I think, "Holy crap, I don't like how they are turning out to be!"

What do you feel when you see this picture?

Not really in the mood to do anything recently, but all the assignments are dued soon. So I am back to remind myself:

tml - PAM report dued
thurs - meeting jimmy for music camp
fri - GEMS report dued
next wed - POD dued, arranging dued
next fri - MUMI dued

I am so screwed...

I guess I've been trying too hard. I guess I've given too much. And I guess that it's true that when you give someone something, they'll ask for more. And I've got no more to give. I am drained.

idunseemtounderstandanyoneanymoreandifindittiringtojustkeepsmilingatyourlongfaceiamhumanandihavemyemoionstooididallicanforyoubutidunseemtogetanythingbackinreturnwhatdoyouwantyousayiduncareenoughhowaboutyouididallicantotrytomakeyouhappierbutyouignoredmeandyetyouwantmorecareidununderstandanymoreseriouslytiredofitall

Assignments!!!

Assignments to be completed:

PAM term paper - 5th Aug (Tue) - half done (need to go find books)
POD Coursework 2 - 13th Aug (Wed) - only recorded drums (mixing and other recording to be done)
Arranging Assignment 2 - 13th Aug (Wed) 4pm - only wrote out voicings (need to do drops and other stuffs)
MUMI assignment 2 - 15th Aug (Fri) 4pm - concept done (mixing and other stuffs to be done)

GEMS report - 8th Aug - not started
Camp proposal - Mid Aug

I just finished looking at manga series "Absolute Boyfriend".
It's so sweet with a sad ending. And it made me cry. :(

I love beginnings and the whole process after that, other than endings.
I absolutely hate them and I can't bear having to go through them.
Why must there be an ending when things are so good? I hate it when good things end.

And sometimes, end too quickly...

I am so caught up by "Vampire Knight" now. They are all so beautifully handsome. Oh god... *Drool...

Ok, back to reality. Things that I have to complete by this weekend:
1. come up with the camp schedule and the detailed roles for everyone
2. update the meeting minutes
3. do arranging (construct chords and melody)
4. write song for POD
5. look through the camp stuff carefully and start planning for meeting
6. write PAM report

Sick Sick Sick... when can I really recover?
Sick that I am sick... I can't miss school!!!

And I need time to do work.
Haven't figured out the chords and melody for arranging tml.
Damn... I need better time management.

The guys made me cry today. So paiseh...

We had songwriting today and we needed to change the lyrics of "Yesterday". And Evan's group went to write a song on Jimmy's soon to be departure. When I read it, I just felt slightly sad and funny the way they wrote it. But when they sang it to Jimmy, tears just flow out of my eyes and I can't stop them.

I will miss Jimmy a lot. Being a small and cosy course, and with lecturers teaching us for at least two years, I can't bear to see them leave. And Jimmy also happens to be one of the lecturers that I look up to. Both my POD works are somewhat related to him (songwriting and business of music).

Part of the reason why I want to do the camp is to prove to him and the lecturers that with what they thought us, we have the capability to excel. And they did a great job in teaching us. DMAT lecturers are seriously a great bunch of responsible lecturers.

I don't want him to go. But I won't make him stay in this crap place if he can't take it anymore. We'll all miss him when he leaves. And I'll probably cry again :(

Don't know whay I am so emotional today. I guess I always am.

Argh... I am so so so so so tired.

Tired of ppl's pretense (but I guess it happens everywhere).
Why can't ppl just be straightforward and trash things out? Just say it when you are unhappy with something.

I dun hate TT, just feel funny with all the things and games that she's playing. I dun understand the need for playing such games (that goes for a lot of ppl too). It's like you don't know who to trust anymore.

I didn't feel so emo till today. The thing is, I probably know that all these are happening, but I just turned a blind eye to it. But now it's stuck in front of me, I just feel sad that all these is happening.

I guess I'll turn a blind eye to it again after a good night's sleep. :)
At least I know a person that I can fully trust!

Things left to be completed

Assignments to be completed:

PAM presentation - 18th July (Fri) 10.30am
PAM term paper - 1st Aug (Fri) 5pm
POD Coursework 2 - Week 18
Arranging Assignment 2 - 13th Aug (Wed) 4pm
MUMI assignment 2 - 15th Aug (Fri) 4pm

GEMS report - 8th Aug
Camp proposal - End July

DIE!!!

Was being seriously random today.

Was still having motion sickness in the morning, so I didn't appear for songwriting. I seriously don't wanna miss it, but I can't get out of bed.

Went to gems and did my presentation today. Then went up to t20 to find that electronic band practice is cancelled. I was actually looking forward to it.

Then met min ru and we went to eat at fc5 and I bought a new winnie the pooh mouse. It's so so so cute. Love it.

As I said, this is a random blog. Haas...

THE POWER OF SLEEP

Sleep to be SEXY, SMART and SLIM. The need of sleep is growingly being viewed as a sign of weakness for some people. However, by not sleeping, you feel groggy and none of your systems are firing on all cylinders. You don't think straight, make good decisions, remember where you parked your car or feel like making love.

And worst still, the resulting chemical glithches will put you on the fast track for heart disease, stroke, diabetes and even obesity.

Here are some strategies for a good night sleep.

The daily schedule
1. Wake up at the same time everyday. Sunlight activates the brain and activating it at the same time every morning teaches your brain that at midnight it's supposed to be asleep and at noon it's supposed to be awake.
2. Give yourself an hour right before bed. You need to wind down and make the transition from the person-who-can-do-everything to the person-who-can-sleep. Do not do housechores, take care of children, do activities with family members, go online nor catch up with work.
3. Put yourself first. Put your needs ahead of others. If your partner snoring wakes you up, help him get treatment. If he refuses to cooperate, put him in another room.

Work and life
1. Dump the 24/7 stuff. Draw up your to-do list, then take a big breath and start crossing things off. You'll realise that you really don't have to do it all.
2. Don't work so late. The prevailing thought is that you have to stay late to get the job done. The truth is that it's better to go get some sleep, then come back to do more work in the morning.
3. Manage the electronics. Turn off your mobile in the evening, and the instant notification on your email too. Switch off the monitor ditch the night light and rotate the clock-radio display. Total darkness tells your brain that it’s time to sleep.

Interested to know more? Read Reader's Digest July 2008 issue :)
And no, I'm not advertising.

Sly sent me a funny yet meaningful sms today:

If your life is in darkness, don't despair. Just pray. After praying, if your life is still in darkness, don't be stupid; go switch on the light!

A lot of beautiful things in life are dangerous.
Juat a random thought.

No mood for meals. Feel like vomitting everytime I eat.
Something's wrong with me.
Maybe it's bad karma. Haas...

I miss hanging out with ppl.
When can I start to get a life? LOL...

To a dear friend, I will always be here. I am just a phone call away. Anytime :)

Well, life seems to be slightly going back to it's track.
After all the mess and chaos... it seems to have toned down a little...
I prefer it like that though...
I like my life organised... I need to know what's happening next...
I don't really like surprises unless they are seriously nice...

Done with PAM... Left with Arranging transcription and report, songwriting score and recording, REMT cover song... God... How do I complete it all?

Songwriting dued on wed (haven't started!!! gosh!)
Arranging dued on fri
REMT dued next fri

Crazy days

I am gonna rest for a while by blogging...

Damn tired...
Have been rushing and rushing since school starts.
Or actually through the whole holiday...
I am so tired tt I keep zoning out...
Fell asleep before I could do anything ystd when I reach home...

Crazy days man...
And I am now taking up a job as coordinator for my internship company...
2 days... Friday will be end of everything...
I am seriously happy to see them all again... I miss them so much...

Vernon had half his tummy left.
Eugene got over Vernon's tummy and got a goatee.
Ms Wong dyed her hair... so cool...
Melvin has more white hair...
Haas... First time I miss my collegues so much...
They're just so fun to be with no matter how stressful the work is :)

Finally breaking the silence

Well, I am going to break the silence that I had for a few days which I talked through pictures.

Just to update a little:
Mon - Recorded guitar from my REMT cover
Tue - Played sax for Serene's REMT cover
Wed - Met up with baby and then went to the chalet
Thurs - P CONNECTED day at NYP

The trip to NYP was stupid and time wasting. I felt like we were degraded to 7 year olds there with all the games they were playing. LOL... I couldn't wait to get out of there.

Silence

bu zuo ni de peng you by S.H.E.

man man shi yi
suo you he ni de shi qing bi xu wang ji
ai de pen di
shen pa zai yi di yan lei jiu hui jue ti

wo ye bu xiang bei ni ken ding
zai zhe ge shi hou
shuo wo rang ni gan dong guo

bie wo zhu wo de shou
shuo wo yi ding hui dong
zhuo bu cheng de ai ren bian cheng zui hao peng you
bie qian zhe wo de shou
xiang zhe bie ren lian kong
huan ge fang shi qian shou bing bu hui gen hao guo
ke bu ke yi bu zuo ni de peng you

man man xin tong
mei you ren fa xian wo he cong qian bu tong
ni de yan zhong
kan de jian ling yi ge ren gei de gan dong

wo ye bu yao ni xin teng wo
zai zhe ge shi hou
dui wo bi cong qian wen rou

ying gai fang qing de tian qi
hai xia yu
bie zhe yang xia qu
wo nan guo
dan shi shuo bu chu kou

yi zhi tao bi
wo yi wei bi shang yan jing
jiu neng wang ji
wo de ji yi
kai shi zai yu tian de qi yue
er shi shan man man jing guo
wo men yi qi rao guo de shi zhi jie kou
zhe me zhou tou zhou bu dao jing tou

ke bu ke yi bu hui tou
ke bu ke yi jiu fang shou
ke bu ke yi bu zhuo ni de peng you

This is what I need. I need no words, no questions, no answers... I need no conversation... Just a nice, warm hug that says everything...

Words hurt, questions hurt, answers hurt... Hugs don't...

Today was like a loving yet painful day for me.
I feel love and pain at the same time... Yet another confusing day for me...

The performance was quite nice today other than the frequent cracks from the bass due to the speakers. I am really starting to love the song collide by howie day...


Collide by Howie Day

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know
I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Don't stop here
I've lost my place
I'm close behind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide

Well, just to summarise my two days.

Mon:
Got my table from IKEA
Had meeting for the camp and it didn't went as well as I wanted it to. Shall skip the details...
Went out with the 3 of them for dinner.

Today:
CCF duty in the morning
SP Experience duty after that. I was doing the coordinating stuffs... Running about is tiring but fun man.
Dinner with Jon, Amelia and her twin. I love her twin too! ;)
And I am now pissed with someone...

Life is seriously confusing at times...

Things come into your life when everything's stable and messes it up, just when you least expect it to.

And then, suddenly... they are gone again...

But everything in your life is still messed up... And some mess can never be reverted again... Just like the tearing of paper. Just like hurt and pain...

Nobody knows... I am out, or so I hope I am.

I'm posting again cos I saw something that I really have to let out...

Went surfing on my cousins friendster and of course some friends too. And I went on to look at one of my cousin's blog...

I haven't heard from her for extremely long, although I did hear about her from others. I just knew that her family is going to keep away, they hate my uncle (their dad), the sisters went to Korea to have their eyelids made double (and they are back already)... Then I saw things like her clubbing her life away from the look of her friendster as well as blog... Today, I realised that her mum thought her how to smoke...

OMG...

I dunno what to say, how to say and how to feel... I am shocked, angry, depressed, sad, and everything else... All at the same time... I still find it hard to breathe now...

What's happening? Really, can someone just tell me what's happening?

I feel sad that I wasn't there for her, or actually, can't be with her all these while. Could I have done something to help and perhaps it wouldn't be so bad? I feel depressed that other than waiting for her reply and waiting for her to tell me something, I can't do anything else...

I sort of understand how she feels cos we both have depressed members in our family, though hers is much much worst... I wanna help... But I don't know how...

I am seriously on a shopping spree:

I bought a pair of shorts ystd.

Then I went to Bugis after my tuition today to get 2 tops, a pair of jeans and a belt.

Spent like 98 bucks on everything.

Feeling very happy yet painful about it...

Haas... Happy that I got new clothes, and painful that I lost the money... LOL...

But I think it's worth it! ;)

My clothes have all outgrown me. I've got not much clothes to wear now...

Two sets of clothes isn't too much (trying desperately to tell myself that it's fine to spurge once in a while)...

Hee...

Stay this way

May we stay this way...

take me

Life's always a struggle. I've fallen and climbed my way back. I fell once again, and I'm making my way back.

Nobody's perfect I know, and now it's time for me to learn to accept imperfections...

I'm here. Take me.

I can make it through the rain!


Through The Rain lyrics by Mariah Carey

When you get caught in the rain

With nowhere to run

When you're distraught

And in pain without anyone

When you keep crying out to be saved

But nobody comes

And you feel so far away

That you just can't find you way home

Your can get there alone

It's okay

Once you say

I can make it through the rain

I can stand up once again

On my own and I know

That I'm strong enough to mend

And every time I feel afraid

I hold tighter to my faith

And I live one more day

And I make it through the rain

And if you keep falling down

Don't you dare give in

You will arise safe and sound

So keep pressing on steadfastly

And you'll find what you need to prevail

Once you say

I can make it through the rain

I can stand up once again

On my own and I know

That I'm strong enough to mend

And every time I feel afraid

I hold tighter to my faith

And I live one more day

And I make it through the rain

And when the wind blows

And shadows grow close

Don't be afraid

There's nothing you can't face

And should they tell you

You'll never pull through

Don't hesitate

Stand tall and say

Yeah yeah yeahhhh

I can make it through the rain

I can stand up once again

On my own and I know

That I'm strong enough to mend

And every time I feel afraid

I hold tighter to my faith

And I live one more day

And I make it through the rain

I can make it through the rain

Can stand up once again

And I'll live one more day, and I

I can make it through the rain

Oh yes you can

You're gonna make it through the rain

http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/m/mariah_carey/through_the_rain.html

Wel, haven't blogged since the 2nd day of sch...
LOL... Many things happened along the way.

Just to summarise:
1. there is a hell lot of work to be done and handed in (arranging, MUMI, PAM, REMT, POD)
2. I got to know a few year ones and I really love being with them (Zaki, Jon, Amelia)
3. They are in my camp planning committee! YAY! (clap clap)
4. I've got four tuition kids on hand right now. Not tt I really want to, but no choice.
5. I've got performance tml and I am sick. =(
6. Got to attend Li Ting's wedding on 22/6 and be her group of sisters. (meeting this fri)
7. Got to help out with the logic tour for the sec sch students (3/6 to 5/6)
8. Got to go for the poly forum (16/9 to 19/9)
9. Went for my cousin's wedding
10. Brought the tuition kids to sentosa to play
11. Completed perfomance today

Second day of school

Second day of school started a little stressful with Arranging class.
Seems like I've got a lot to learn. Got to get my keyboard class started soon.

Ended of with PAM and I am still trying to appreciate it. Almost fell asleep in class today. I've got to learn to love it.

Still thinking of what I should do for POD. No ideas are flashing into my head yet...
Jiayou to all!

May go back to office on thurs. Kindda missing the environment there.

First day of school!

Today's the first day of school. Still feeling the post-work syndrome. haas. Work up today feeling that I have to go to work, have to iron clothes for work.

suddenly without having the ned to iron clothes, I dunno what to wear to sch. Haas. So funny. Stood facing the clothes for quite some time this morning.

Went to do express manicure today. Vivian went with me. So sweet of her to accompany me.

Going to kbox with Audy tml morning before sch! So happie!!!

Updates!!!

Well, this entry is for Ginny. Haas... Cos she ask me for an update.

Well, lessons for year two is over. And now I'm having my attachment with CPG Productions. It's very enriching there. I've learnt like a thousand and one things there (maybe more!). Haas. So, it's quite tiring at first to adapt. But, I am adapting nicely now =). Still need my collegues to keep guiding me though.

Love life is cute. A shan't share details. Ask me if you wanna know! =P... Some things are still un-tell-able... Haas. Eyeore...

Missing school a little - all the slacking, bitching and talk-cocking days... Haas.

And I miss you GINNY!!!
Rem me when you buy gifts on the way back from China kays!!!
Haas.