Emo...

I realised I always like to write when I'm feeling down. Perhaps due to the fact that there aren't much ways in which I can let those feelings out.

Things been a little frustrating since I went out twice in a week till 11+. Mum's not really happy about it and is kind of giving me the silent treatment whenever possible. I can feel the anger, disappointment and unhappiness radiating off her, making the stay at home together with her kind of hard.

I understand her views of friendship between a guy and a girl. She doesn't believe in friendship between opposite sexes. But there's absolutely nothing that I can do about that. Most of my close friends happen to be guys. And I mean happen. I didn't purposely made it that way. I just feel more comfortable around them, without the need to keep up pretenses and without the need to think before I say.

And I can't go out with them in a group because I got to know them from different places, different occasions. There aren't common friends among them.

At this age and after showing her that I am stable for so many years. I am disappointed too that she doesn't trust me around guys. She seems to think that it is inappropriate behaviour and refuses to listen to me. If she could have listened, she would come to an understanding that I see them no more as friends and vice-versa. And she had her own share of guy friends in the past too, though they were in a group. I think it's unfair for her to see me in this light.

She told me to stop being a social butterfly years ago, and I listened to her. But this I cannot follow her rules. Looking back, my days being a social butterfly was lots of fun and I grew a lot then. My communication skills were probably picked up then too, not that I am really good at it.

I have already tried to reduce the number of times I go out with my guy friends. I have already taken a step back and I hope she will too. That she will understand. I don't dream of her accepting everything about me, just need from her an understanding that I can handle this myself...