Freedom?

I quited my job so as to have some time for myself before university starts. I kindda enjoy the quiet moments at home by myself. Perhaps I have been used to being with myself since young. So I kindda like it even till now.

The joy of sitting on the bed with a nice book, with nice music playing is a heaven on Earth. But I find that as time goes by, we grow up and suddenly, we don't seem to have the freedom to do that anymore. We're either tied up with school work/job/house chores, etc.

There are some things that can wait. There are some things that can be arranged to be done together. I am someone who has to plan to do something. Why is it that I have to follow the life of another? Why am I made to do the same as others?

I like quiet time before I go to sleep. I like to prepare my brain and body for sleep by doing something that doesn't need the a high usage of brains or physical strength. I don't like to do work or house chores before I sleep. Why can't I live that way?

Who made a rule saying that we have to work our whole life other than sleeping? What's the joy in doing so if you can't even enjoy some parts of your life? There's always a time to do certain things and for me, resting comes first before household chores.

The fake idea that our elders gave us were all wrong. They told us that we'll have more freedom when we grow up, they told us that we can make our own choices when we're older. But the actual fact in life is that you have to make others happy. You have to do what others expect you to do. You have to live up to others expectations. You have your role to fulfill. And what freedom do you have?

Yes, you have the freedom of choice. But you HAVE to make the choice that makes others happy... Even when it's at the sacrifice of yours. So that's what being an adult is. Because you are older, you have to think about others and what they feel. Because you are older, you have to lead a good example.

What is good? what is bad? Everyone's definition is different and you have to live up to the highest level in order to make others happy.

I'm tired... I am tired of leaving life the way others want. I want to do things MY WAY... Without caring about how others feel. I am tired of having to follow what others want and somehow make it my choice. Do others bother that you made the choice because of them? I bet they don't. They will just say, "You are not there yet. You have much more to learn/do." No appreciation given. And when you choose you way, they'll blame you for it. When will it ever end?

The people who chooses to do things their way from the start gets their way in the end. They NEVER EVER have to do anything. They NEVER EVER get scolded for not taking the initiative to do anything. They get praised for every single little thing that they do, even if it's their own things. They are forgiven for not helping.

What is the world coming to? Why is it that the people who do more are expected to do even more? Because they deserve it for doing what others want and they want to make others happy?

Perhaps it's true that the bad kids always get more attention. They always get more love cos others think that they are behaving that way for a reason unknown. People like unknowns.... Sadistic people living in a creepy world.

I want to do my things MY WAY... But do I have the chance to?

Restless

Been out of the sales coordinator job since last Friday so that I can focus on what I need/want to do before uni as well as consolidate my uni forms. Never knew that it could be so tiring to do all these. I remember poly being so much easier. There's like so much things to do and I just can't sit down and get it done. Just the thought of it makes me tired. I wanna see my baby!

Can't wait till tml.