我已经不知道了。。。

当我以为我拥有最好的，

当我以为我最懂，

当我以为我不会再错了，

当我已经在等待走上属于我的红地毯，

我却发现我拥有，了解，认定，等待的那个人。。。是个陌生人。。。

坠落谷底，是这种感受吗？

io樂團 - 瑕疵

作詞：Angus
作曲：Angus
編曲：io

小時候 爸媽 你看著我
你們對著我訴說 我將來的成就
有一天你會發現 你的孩子不完美
這不是誰的錯
有很多的話想對你說 只是我們的頻率不同

就原諒我吧 是我的平凡 讓你們感到遺憾
就饒了我吧 原諒我平凡 你就放過我好嗎

你說我 這樣 沒有出頭天
因為我做的一切 只是浪費時間
Oh 所有 我的夢想
你們都覺得無聊 全都不切實際
有很多的話想對你說 只是我們的頻率不同

你渴望這一切 我會盡力實現
將未來這世界 無懼的面對
路就算很迂迴 我決不後退
但有天我崩潰 背後又會有誰
我要求的不多 只要一句讚美

就原諒我 爸 是我的平凡 讓你們感到遺憾
就饒了我 爸 原諒我平凡 就放過我吧~就放過我
你就放過我好嗎 我只是太平凡....

田馥甄 - My Love (HD官方版MV)

Great song...

Random feelings...

I don't know where these random emotions are coming from... I'm feeling angry, insecure, lost, unsure, panicky, irritated, all at the same time....

I which I could tell myself it's early menopause... but it's kind of impossible at the age of 23 :(

It's so near my exams and yet I'm feeling like crap with a whole lot of unneeded emotions... What would my future be like? What do I want? How do I proceed so that I can reach the future I want? Will he be the one that marries me? Will he want me to be his partner till the end? What career am I looking for? Should I get a HBD soon? When should I get engaged? All sorts of qns keep bugging my mind... I wish I could just concentrate on my exams right now... I know I have to do things a step at a time and now the step I should take is just concentrate on exams.

But... it's easier said than done...

First time plucking my own brows

Haha. So excited! It took me so much courage and self-persuasion to pluck my own brows. Why? Because I have brows that takes on the shape of waves. Yes! Waves!

It wasn't as thin as it would be if I would have gone to the auntie down my block, or rather my "old" block, who always helps me with it. But still, I am happy with the results! It's not as office lady but it gives me a younger vibe, or so I think :)

Just a photo for commemoration! :D

Feeling nostalgic... Remembering the good old days

Procrastination

Yeah, I know... Procrastination will only make me more and more stress as exams are pulling closer. But I simply cannot get myself down to study and IDK why. I am already starting later then last year when it was only all foundation units. Yes, I feel like pulling all my hair out too!

I know I have to study. People are already revising and I haven't started studying! Been in a bad mood because of this too. Guess the people around me are feeling it. I don't know any other way else to let it out other than blogging.

I know that I can do this! Last minute studying works well for me too! I need to stop thinking so much and stressing myself up! I need to use the energy that I use to think about random stuff for studying! I CAN AND I WILL!

Jia you Yu Ting! YOU CAN DO THIS!

Aren't taught well...

Why are we constantly told that we aren't taught well by our parents? It is really the chinese way of being humble or do they seriously think that "we aren't taught well"?

Chinese society simply have too many rules and regulations that they should write a book stating it all out before we "break the rules". How are we supposed to know that we "broke the rules" when we don't even know such "rules" existed?

Nothing in our small "pea brains" understand the point of such "rules".

Sorry, I am just one of those "不受教" ones :)

We not naughty

Watched "We not Naughty" with my family yesterday. It really brought me to tears at some parts of the movie. It was motivational and encouraging.

We should love our parents and family as they all didn't come by easy. Our mother took pains to give birth to us, our parents took pains to bring us up, our siblings were there in time of need.

If there was a "moral of the story", it will be to treasure the life that we are given, make the best choices possible, blame not the world or anyone, it's all our choice. No one can force us to be anywhere we don't want to be. If we followed what they want us to do, it's still our choice to follow them.

I should study hard for now...

A man...

You know a you saw a sensitive/thoughtful man when he runs after the bus in front of his lady but yet following the pace of hers.

Addiction!

I am recently addicted to the game "Dragonvale". It is super cute!!! The dragons when young are jut so cute that you won't be able to resist. The designer(s) of this game is really good to be able to come out with all the interesting and cute dragon designs :)

Happy New Year!

Goodbye 2011 and Hello 2012!

It was quite a nice way to start 2012 with "xie en". Without knowing how to be grateful of what we have, we'll never appreciate what life provides us. This year started really happily. I am like a happy now :D

2011 flew by really quickly and I have yet to make my new year resolutions, so I'm trying to make them now. First on my list will be to prepare for my prelims in 7 weeks time. OMG! I'm so not prepared.

So my new year resolutions as follow (may be updated):

1. Prepare for prelims

2. Plan well and do well for exams in May/June

3. Be more disciplined

4. Exercise more (twice a week)

5. Improve my temper

6. Be more thankful

7. Help my students improve their results

8. Go to fo tang regularly and not be lazy in ly (Learn the necessary zhi li)

9. Read more (esp. newspapers)

10. Love everything and anything that comes my way!

Ten should be enough I guess? I really hope to be able to achieve all of them next year. Or rather, I MUST DO IT!

Have you made your resolutions yet? It's best to do it at the start of the new year if you haven't!

Wishing everyone a good, enriching year ahead filled with bless and happiness!

Here's a song to make your day!

Bruno Mars - Just the way you are (Jayesslee cover)

容祖儿-你还是疼我的

永遠愛著你 - 容祖兒

KTV 容祖儿 心情不好

容祖兒 - 信今生愛過(國語).mpg

別說愛我-容祖兒

I thought I gave you a chance...

Or maybe two or more...

Avril Lavigne - When You're Gone

同恩-不准哭

It seems like a long long time since we have taken a photo together... Have we grown apart?

现在是你在做贱自己，还是我在做贱自己？应该放手吗？

MY LIFE - the best comedy

i am crying while watching a comedy. I am a comedian myself...

Shivering in the heat

I saw this today and it bring chills to my heart:

A bitter day, it will all be erased like this
I will forget someday
I’ll be able to laugh then, but
Right now I can’t do anything

Even if the weather’s nice
I don’t feel nice
It seems like the weather’s mocking me
I fall into a situation where I can’t deal with the anger and I struggle
The world apart from me is running fine
You’re living well
It’s not fair, this isn’t fair
I feel like people walking past me think I’m pitiful
I can’t do anything right

This morning I missed my stop
The bus stop I ended up getting off at,
Because I was thinking about you,
Was a stop that I wasn’t familiar with
It looked lonely, I started crying
I walked like that for a long time
I hated you so much but then I started missing you
The days I spent weak because I couldn’t
Hold onto you are so pitiful

A bitter day, it will all be erased like this
I will forget someday I’ll be able to laugh then, but
Right now I can’t do anything about it
I can’t do anything
Just now I had another thought about you and now I’m sad
It’s going to be really hard, but I’ll keep erasing

No matter what I was it’ll sound like an excuse
Even if I say this is all for you
You’re not right for me
Uncomfortable, as if you’re wearing clothes
That don’t suit you
Beautiful, but I’m losing my strength beside you too
How do you think I felt watching that?
We shouldn’t have started at all
I shouldn’t have looked at your eyes that first time
I thought I would feel relieved after I let you go
But it’s really not like that

My head knows break ups
My heart can’t disagree, but everyday I draw you and erase you
I’ll do all the hurting and I just want you to be happy
So this decision won’t be useless
So we don’t regret, I’ll always pray for you

A bitter day, it will all be erased like this
I will forget someday
I’ll be able to laugh then, but
Right now I can’t do anything
I can’t do anything
Just now I had another thought about you and now I’m sad
It’s going to be really hard, but I’ll keep erasing
I’m going to forget a little bit at a time
After time passes I’ll be able to laugh and remember
Don’t say time is medicine, tell me a better way
You can receive love greater than the love I gave you
You’re still beautiful
You said it would last forever
In the end, we’re still the same as everyone else
A bitter day, it will all be erased like this
I will forget someday
That day will come

Sometimes, I allow myself a little time to miss him...

On my way home today, this song came up on the itouch as I was reaching home. I listened carefully to every word, and tears just came into my eyes. I miss him so much...

If anyone really wanted to know why I went for a degree that is giving me so much stress now. It's just cause I promised him that I will. And I will.

This song is for you, my father, the greatest man in my life. :)

What changed?

Where is the girl, that fought hard, to go to a school where her primary school friends wouldn't be?
Where is the teenager, who chose poly, when she could have went to a jc (the normal way)?
Where is the teenager, who climbed fences with her friends, when the gate was too far away?
Where is the teenager, who loved challenges and obstacles, so that she would overcome them?
Where is the teenager, who was afraid of the norms, as she wanted something exciting everyday?
Where is the teenager, who loves breaking out of her norms, so that she could try other new ways?

Why am I so timid now? Why am I more afraid, as I grow older?

Swimming~

Went for a good swim today. Did 30 laps for the first time in years. Took about 45 mins. Kind of proud with myself today. And I did my stomach exercises too despite my stomach muscles that are still aching :)

I don't know why I like swimming so much. Perhaps when I swim, I can't hear anything, I am away from the phone, away from troubles. The only people I have contact with are the people in the pool. Even if I go with friends, I can't talk to them while swimming. I can only focus on my own laps. In the blue water. Love it :)

The Sample Store

I am so in love with The Sample Store now. I got samples to try out before buying the whole product. Wish more shops will have this kind of stuff too!

You guys should try it out. You can redeem 3 samples instantly and have it sent to your house! :)

遇到这样的男生、该放手的就放手吧

遇到这样的男生、该放手的就放手吧

This is so true. To all the girls out there, don't hang on to the wrong one. Cos it only stops you from finding your right one :)

Breathing in the small details in life.

I saw my friend posting this link on her fb today. I couldn't help smiling to myself when I was reading through the blog post. It's awesome :)

Some things I remember from the 90's

Bf's been really sweet lately. It's either that or I'm even more grateful of what I have. He actually told sasabird that he's gonna get engaged with me after his army. I couldn't keep it in, so I told mum too. Hehee.

Got to know a few new friends this year too. They're really nice even though I dunno how the friendship will go. I hope it goes on well. I'm gonna find friends that are keepers :)

Managed to get some new comers to join us for the west coast park activity tmr. Hope everything will go on well and they will continue joining us!

I can't wait to enjoy some live music soon! Miss going down to esplanade for a walk and chilling out with friends. Actually, I miss DMAT days. Period.

Awesome sound!

Uneventful week

Been sick the whole weekend till now with stomach flu. Vomited so much yesterday that I feel dehydrated. Missing sch cos I'm afraid of puking on the bus. Ahh... I wanna get better soon.

I can only stare at the chocos sly bought me and I can't eat them now...

I wanna do some studying but I can't seem to get to it. I need some motivation!

Somehow... I don't know...

somehow I feel uncomfortable thinking about you going with them. Especially without me along. I know that I have to trust you and let you go wherever you want to. But something in me is nagging at me not to.

Someone once told me to let you fly and if you come back, you're mine. But the possessive me doesn't want to even let the possibility of you flying even happen. Why? Maybe because of fear. And no, I don't want you to become the same. Ever.

Many things happen in split seconds, you don't even realise it until it happens. And sometimes, it's just too late.

and even if I ask you not to, you still will go and keep silent about it. And I'll hate it when I find out... Idk what I should or shouldn't do...

Hang Music's so COOL!!!

Again and Again...

TRANSLATIONS
[JS] again and again and again and again
[JB] again and again and again and again

[WY] why am i standing like this in front of your house again, am i a fool
getting tricked again and again, and suffering again and again
but why am i at this place again

[JH] i think i’ve gone crazy, have i no pride
i come back to you, like going around and around in a circle
saying ‘i can’t be like this (like this, like this)’,
i’m being like this again today, no

[JS] again and again and again and again
i keep going back to you. i don’t know why, i don’t know why
[JB] again and again and again and again
i fall for your words again. i don’t know why, i don’t know why

[NK] why do i seem like such a fool
why did i become like this
i made a firm decision, again and again
why do i keep coming back to you

[JH] i think i’ve gone crazy, have i no pride
i come back to you, like going around and around in a circle
saying ‘i won’t ever see you again (see you, see you)’,
i’m being like this again

[JS] again and again and again and again
i keep going back to you. i don’t know why, i don’t know why
[JB] again and again and again and again
i fall for your words again. i don’t know why, i don’t know why

[CS] what kind of medicine are you, that i can’t give it up
even without me knowing, i keep yearning for you, and eventually look for you again
though i know you’re a bad girl, i embrace you and love you again
undoubtedly, clearly, i want to come towards you
knowing all the pains of tomorrow, i can’t turn around, i can’t decide

[TY] darn it, why am i like this, why am i lying next to this girl
how many more times do i have to do this for me to come to my senses
someone, tie me down somewhere, quickly, please
she’s a bad girl, i know (i know), but here i go again. oh no

[JS] again and again and again and again
i keep going back to you. (i’m going back to you) i don’t know why, i don’t know why
[JB] again and again and again and again (i keep coming back)
i fall for your words again. (even i) i don’t know why, i don’t know why
[JS] oh, oh, yeah

Credits: Mnet + crazykyootie@soompi

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I like these lyrics... Love is blind and we are forever doing something against our own pride and the voice shouting in our head. Hopelessly in love... That's what the phrase means.

I often wonder what's the percentage of people who follow their hearts more than their brains when they are really in love. I mean REALLY IN LOVE. Not in love for the sake of having someone love them or having someone to love. And what is the percentage of married couples that are really in love.

I heard from someone before that LOVE DOESN'T LAST FOREVER. What comes next is RESPONSIBILITY. So there are so many divorces cos people aren't as responsible anymore? Or is it that new age girls now ask for equality now that we have the same earning power as guys? Or is it that guys still have the same concept of the past, and they do not want girls stepping into their realm of power?

最近听到了太多分分合合。难道人的 “爱” 就尽尽如此吗？

太多的纠纷，太多的烦恼，太多的争吵。。。

太少的理解，太少的沟通，太少的忍让。。。

小时候的世界飞去哪了？

那个充满童真，快乐，合群，礼让的世界去哪了？

小时候的我，希望快快长大。因为成人让我觉得成人的世界无比的快乐。

但当我慢慢成长，我发现成人的世界有无比的忧伤，无比的争斗。

为了保护自己，我们伤害他人。

为了金钱，我们损人害己。

为了名利，我们不择手段。

害人害己，自相残杀。。。

不断的，每天的，这样过着。。。

“爱” 去哪了？

Motivation for Studies

http://www.exampapersexpert.com/motivation-1.html

I just have to let it out

@#%^&*()(*&^%$#$%^*()^%$#$%^

I wanna puke. You make me feel damn stressed. The moment you step into the door, my whole stomach clench, I feel sleepy and I want to sleep.

You nv ever admit your mistakes do you? You are always right, always guessing the right thing, always the one who makes the call. I am already living the life that you want me to live. Is that not enough for you? What more do you want?

I am already telling myself constantly to just accept what you want. To live my life the way that you want me to. I am already giving way, why do you want to push me to the corner of my life?

I am tired. I feel better without having to live up to your expectations. What you see in life is just a different point of view as compared to me. It's not whether who's right or wrong. Why do you have to make me see things from your point of view at all times? Why?

Why am I always wrong and you always right? Don't you realise that you are the one committing to the 'crimes' that you blame me for? I will say that I'm always in the wrong, cos that's how you like it. Now you are cleverer in that you realise that the "I'm in the wrong" nv comes out from my heart.

But I wonder, do you really know me? You know I am distancing myself from you cos I show it. Will you know if I don't show it? Don't give you the cold eye?

I don't even know how I should look at you anymore. Other than disappointment, there's no other words to describe how I feel about you.

Sorry if you are reading my post and feel that I am babbling. Cos I really am. I just have to let it out.

See no EVIL, hear no EVIL, say no EVIL

I really don't like being in this situation. I don't want to see anything, hear anything, or speak about it. I don't want to know it.

I have been through it. I thought that I was finally out of the vicious cycle. I thought I was finally free. But there it is again - giving me the evil smile. It was always there.

When I thought that finally life was great for me, it has to come tumbling down. Perhaps this is real life, with its ups and downs. But isn't this 'down' to great to handle time and again?

I want to run away from it. I don't want to face it again. I don't want to know about it. I don't want to handle it. I have enough of it. I want to be happy, I want to be free, but yet, I can't not be a part of it. Cos it's family...

The 3Ps in good educators

I have been talking to different educators from different levels as well as aspects. Be it from pri/sch or higher level schools, religion, music schools, etc. I only managed to really come to a conclusion, about being an educator, today.

What makes good educators GOOD? I realised that it revolves around 3 main traits, mainly what I call the 3Ps: Patience, Passion and Perseverance. A good educator basically has this 3 traits somehow or rather.

It sets me thinking... In Singapore, what's the percentage off educators with these 3Ps?

Stalker...

I have slowly becomed the person that I didn't want to be... I don't wanna track you down, look at ur mails, check your phone records, look at your fb, find out everything about you... I feel like a stalker... I have degraded myself... I lost confidence... I lost my shine...

What exactly happened to me? Trust... seems so hard to do sometimes... How do I build it back up? how?

New...

I have a new feeling about 'love' after watching a certain drama.

Sometimes, loving is to let go. Free the person so that he/she can look for happiness. This takes a bigger love to do as compared to selfishly keeping them by your side even though they might be unhappy.

Love doesn't have to be exciting/very romantic/nervous/butterflies in the stomach. It can be comfortable/secure too. It is romantic when your partner looks into the details of your life. Simple things like drying your hair, drawing circles on your hand can be romantic too :)

I want to write a new song with this whole new feeling about 'love'.

溫嵐-傻瓜 KTV

I gave my trust to you, and...

Define GROWING UP

You know, some times I always think about how people grow in size but never ever mature. They don't become more resourceful, thoughtful, caring. They don't grow in both IQ or EQ. Or perhaps they do improve on their IQ but not EQ.

How do you gauge growth? By size or by their maturity? It doesn't mean that a person after 21 is grown up. Yes, they are legally an adult. But they aren't literally.

The Earth is round

The Earth is round, what starts from you comes back to you.

I totally agree!

I came across an article from straits times online regarding singapore birth rates and I find that what the professor said about the situation in singapore totally true. The article is titled, "Fathers, please step up".

'A fertility rate of 1.23 children per woman indicates that life is not that optimal for young women in Singapore. You can gather from that that Singapore women have to make a choice, either to have children or to have an active professional career,' he says.

http://www.straitstimes.com/BreakingNews/Singapore/Story/STIStory_525556.html

Will this situation change for the better with the newer generation? Or will the boys now follow in the footsteps of their fathers? I wonder...

Love... indescribable...

Love can be so many things at the same time. It has existed since humanity begins or maybe perhaps longer than that. It can be so confusing and yet so simple, so big and yet so small. I wonder if I can ever grasp the whole meaning of it by the end of my life journey.


I watched a show that inspired me to do more for someone you love. Sometimes, love, is about letting something grow, even when you want to help it. Just like a butterfly. You need to let it squeeze out of the small hole by itself in order for it to fly later on.

Sometimes, beauty/dreams/achievements take a lot of effort/pain/struggles to make it come true. But it is worth it in the end. And love, is to watch your loved one go through the whole journey, without trying to stop their growth.

Super Irritating Day

Why is everyone like against me today? Argh?!?!?!

Reminding myself: "Don't get vulgar!"

I am so pissed that my hands are shaking... Peace people... Peace!!!

Great April!

I started my month of April great, with my baby coming out from camp. I have many plans to fulfil. I need to sit down soon to plan it well so that I will follow through.

I want to learn driving, get myself started on saxophone lessons, make myself go for a swim at least once a week and eat right (as much as possible).

Today started really happy. Here's just a glimpse of it :)

Freedom?

I quited my job so as to have some time for myself before university starts. I kindda enjoy the quiet moments at home by myself. Perhaps I have been used to being with myself since young. So I kindda like it even till now.

The joy of sitting on the bed with a nice book, with nice music playing is a heaven on Earth. But I find that as time goes by, we grow up and suddenly, we don't seem to have the freedom to do that anymore. We're either tied up with school work/job/house chores, etc.

There are some things that can wait. There are some things that can be arranged to be done together. I am someone who has to plan to do something. Why is it that I have to follow the life of another? Why am I made to do the same as others?

I like quiet time before I go to sleep. I like to prepare my brain and body for sleep by doing something that doesn't need the a high usage of brains or physical strength. I don't like to do work or house chores before I sleep. Why can't I live that way?

Who made a rule saying that we have to work our whole life other than sleeping? What's the joy in doing so if you can't even enjoy some parts of your life? There's always a time to do certain things and for me, resting comes first before household chores.

The fake idea that our elders gave us were all wrong. They told us that we'll have more freedom when we grow up, they told us that we can make our own choices when we're older. But the actual fact in life is that you have to make others happy. You have to do what others expect you to do. You have to live up to others expectations. You have your role to fulfill. And what freedom do you have?

Yes, you have the freedom of choice. But you HAVE to make the choice that makes others happy... Even when it's at the sacrifice of yours. So that's what being an adult is. Because you are older, you have to think about others and what they feel. Because you are older, you have to lead a good example.

What is good? what is bad? Everyone's definition is different and you have to live up to the highest level in order to make others happy.

I'm tired... I am tired of leaving life the way others want. I want to do things MY WAY... Without caring about how others feel. I am tired of having to follow what others want and somehow make it my choice. Do others bother that you made the choice because of them? I bet they don't. They will just say, "You are not there yet. You have much more to learn/do." No appreciation given. And when you choose you way, they'll blame you for it. When will it ever end?

The people who chooses to do things their way from the start gets their way in the end. They NEVER EVER have to do anything. They NEVER EVER get scolded for not taking the initiative to do anything. They get praised for every single little thing that they do, even if it's their own things. They are forgiven for not helping.

What is the world coming to? Why is it that the people who do more are expected to do even more? Because they deserve it for doing what others want and they want to make others happy?

Perhaps it's true that the bad kids always get more attention. They always get more love cos others think that they are behaving that way for a reason unknown. People like unknowns.... Sadistic people living in a creepy world.

I want to do my things MY WAY... But do I have the chance to?

Restless

Been out of the sales coordinator job since last Friday so that I can focus on what I need/want to do before uni as well as consolidate my uni forms. Never knew that it could be so tiring to do all these. I remember poly being so much easier. There's like so much things to do and I just can't sit down and get it done. Just the thought of it makes me tired. I wanna see my baby!

Can't wait till tml.

Putting yourself in others shoes

Putting ourselves into others shoes... How many of us can truly say that we have done that? Everyone have imperfections, but they have their good points too... I feel that as people age, they tend to be more and more negative... Is it due to the fact that they feel that life is short? Or do they have regrets in life? Or is it that the more they see, the less hopes they have regarding life.

I believe that a good leader remain firmly in his hopes and believes. He will not let negativity set in to sway him from the path that he believes in. But of many of us can really say that we are good leaders? Will we remain positive till the day we die? I hope I do... I hope that I can gain more wisdom and smile at everything that passes me, whether "good" or "bad". I want to be an old woman with wisdom and not one that only grudges.

I really hope...

The Painful Fact of Life

Do you have times when you feel that your close ones are like your greatest threat on earth? That maybe they are the one that can hurt you most and make you stumble along your path (perhaps towards sucess - you don't really know if it's success because you never ever get to even walk till the end).

Sometimes I feel lost and disappointed. People closest to you are what we always think of as your best supporters. But somehow or rather, they can become your worst stumbling stone. They can make you fall the hardest... And that's because you gave them the full trust that they will not make you fall and even help you through you hardest times.

I am going through a big change in my life. And the saddest thing is that everyone think I can, other than my close one. Everyone puts faith in me, but my own family member thinks I'm shit. There is no point in proving to others how good you are. I never like doing that. The main reason - I see no point.

I am who I am. I think what I want to think. I make my own choices. And I need no one to judge me because no one person is good enough to judge another. And this is what I constantly remind myself too. No one's too successful, no one is a failure too. Unless that person makes himself one.

My heart and mind feels as heavy as a stone now. She, who always says how much she understands me completely loses me and my thoughts. Now I wonder, how much does she understand me? If she does, she wouldn't be saying all these pessimistic things now. And instead me there to help me make things happen.

Everyone's tired from the work as well as studies that they have to do everyday. Who's not tired at all. Everyone just have to bring in their hearts together to make things work. Nothing is achieved alone. There's always a team to do it. And why bother who does more and who does less? The point is to get it done and over with. Is this even so hard to do?

It's not how good you are, but whether you want to make time and put your heart into it.

Random

I just realised how long I've not blogged... Haha... Maybe all my friends have taken me out of the "to read" list... LOL...

Anyway, life's busy as usual. I think I have not even logged onto msn for like months... Haha... I miss my friends, also the usual. I was so happy that I was able to have Ginny, Siew Ting and Pei Ling come over on New Year's eve for the countdown. Hopefully, they've enjoyed themselves enough to come over again next year.

Baby's birthday coming soon. Gonna get busier... I still haven't thought of what I should get for him. He has so little things that he wants... Haha... Human is just so confused... When others have too much requirements, we get frustrated... And when others don't have any requirements, we can't make up our mind... LOL... Or maybe it's just me... I am simply demanding... Haha!

I feel so fortunate for everything around me. I've got supportive family, a super good bf, easy-to-get-along colleagues, a challenging youth group and a still considered healthy body... Thank god... Truely...

What the hell is wrong with the running of some organisations? Politics is so damn clear in there. It's f***ing screwed up! Damn... At times like this, I wonder what the hell is up in the minds of the people up there. So much about what they keep preaching... It's time they look back at what they stand for and what is happening right now...

LOL... I dropped 2kgs in 2 days...

Ok... I have been asked to update my blog... And so I shall because I don't have a mind of my own right now...

Life's been great at work. Wonderful colleaugues and work environment with a small gym area. I am the youngest in the lot and I get pampered by them all... With someone to buy me tea everyday, something I enjoy so much... But nothing's special going on... I need somthing to ignite my life... Something interesting :)

Sly's going into army next month... I can't bear to let him go... Not my baby... May the 2 yrs be a quick one... And I shall find many things to do during this time...

Life's been a struggle for some of my friends and it pains me to see that happen. I know how it feels like to struggle to break through your burdens everyday. To wake up and tell yourself that you need to walk on despite it all... I know... And I'll be here for you. Juest stretch out your arms to me, I can't help if you dont'...

For anyone of you wondering where I've disappeared to again, I have not died. I am back to work for 2 weeks already! Haha... Guess I really can't bear to stay homw for too long. It kindda makes me feel useless :P

Anyway, I work till 5.30pm everyday, so I can meet up with you guys! Chloe & Audrey, ask me out pls... :P... I wanna go to a concert soon. I haven't been to one for so long that I miss catching one!

Milli, Zaki, I still haven't met you guys. Please find an evening for me pls? Haha... Kindda miss school mates and hanging out mates. Ginny, you are one of them too! And Siew Ting, where's my long awaited GeLare? :(

Haha... Anyway, hope life's great for all of you who cares about me! :)

I went to do relief teaching at a student care today. Some of the students are so cute, handsome or pretty... It makes me wonder if I really don't want any kids in the future... Perhaps I do. And perhaps I wouldn't even mind staying at home to take care of them and home school them... LOL...

A lot of my perspective in life has changed and is changing. I think it's all part of growing. I remember my dream when I was young. It's to find a prince and marry him, and also be a psychologist. Haha... So much have changed since then... Oh, how I miss the days when there were no worries. Haha... Dream on... :)

I am quite irritated with myself. Slacking is one thing, slacking without aims in life is another. I know I always push myself too hard, but I don't know how not to. I am so irritated that I can't find the concrete aims in my life right now. I hope I find it soon before I drive myself nuts.

Had a sleepless night yesterday even though I was quite tired. Something is bothering me but I have no idea what. I need to get out and going soon. Staying at home ain't doing me good.

I find life without any aims useless and not worth living. I will not submit myself to that. NEVER.

I should get myself another good book to read now... And a nice cup of coffee perhaps. I have been thinking about the cute kitten all morning. It's amazing that I kindda miss it. LOL...

Here I am sitting at Starbucks with a long time friend. Haha. I finally started gaining back my balance in life. If there's one thing that I've learnt during these few months, it would be that family and friends are seriously important.

Talking to friends about crap, sitting down and just chilling out, doing nothing important at all. I miss all that man...

Yesterday's graduation was great. It's calming to see all my classmates and lecturers again. Jimmy really came back to see us! He's looking great. SMU must be so much better. I hope we can find time to meet up again before the guys go into army.

I want to get back in touch with music again. Chloe, all the best for 29th! Please spur me on in my aim to get back in touch :P. I hope to meet you soon!

Went back to office to clear up everything today. Finally a load off my mind.

David' birthday chalet's tml till mon. My grad's on mon, Sly's thurs. Got to find time to excercise to create positive cells :P

Can't wait to see all my classmates again. Heard that Jimmy's coming on our Grad too. So happy!!! Haha. He's really nice to us. Actually, all our lecturers are nice to us :P... We're quite a fortunate bunch.

Gelare... I haven't had it for months. Siew Ting, when are you bringing me out for it?

I suddenly want to have a shopping spree. I want to buy all the books that attract me. I want to buy tibits and stock them up in my room (I have done a little of this already). I want clothes, shoes, hats, sunglasses, perfumes, makeup, bags and toys... LOL... I am starting to sound materialistic.

Anyways, I am finding my life. May I find it soon...

Life

Sorry for disappearing guys! I guessed I was too caught up in work again. Well, I guess that you guys are used to it :P

Haha. Anyways, this few months made me understand something every important in life. It also made me understand the things that are important to me in life. I have always thought that a career/job is very important to me and that I want to do very very well in it. But I guess that I was always wrong.

I CANNOT give up my life, my family and my friends for success in a career. I CANNOT let someone step over me and crash me just for the hope to learn more. I CANNOT endure being scolded for something that ain't my fault. I rather be happy then "successful" in others eyes. To me, having a happy life is SUCCESS.

Anyways, you might be thinking that "Vera's crapping again". LOL... I don't blame you. This is just my thought in life, you may/may not have yours (yet).

Also, please contact me and ask me out my friends! Haha. I am gonna take a break for a while. Which means "NO WORK"!!! Haha! Starting from next week. And for DMATters, see you guys on tue!

I was sitting on my bed in the afternoon today when my mum came back home. She asked me, "What's wrong with you? Why are you looking emo?".

Haha... Perhaps I really was...

I think that I am still perhaps a perfectionist inside of me. I want my life to be beautiful, not even a shade of grey. No, I can't accept that. Perhaps that's what making me so sad and emo... That my life wasn't the way I wanted it to be...

I want a beautiful life. Will I achieve it in the end? Or do I get a beautiful lie?

Happy Lunar New Year to all who reads my blog! Especially friends and classmates!

Chinese New Year holiday is over in no time at all... Two more weeks to go in sch... Got to chiong all the way!

I am determined to make it! And I must! Haha... I see a bit of light in my life today... I might have a future afterall... Haha...

CNY was fun although short. Been around a few of my relatives home and I had the company of my treasured one for the whole of ystd... I think he brought me loads of luck. Won a little ystd on blackjack... Haha... I miss playing it with my family so much tt I went down to it straight away when they started.

I still haven't got to learn how to play majong... Haha... when are you going to teach me baby?

Super pissed off by someone. You think teaching is so damn easy? Why don't you try it for yourself. Especially your student don't even trust you in what you teach. Come on, if you think that I can't teach you well, find another one!

I made loads of students improve tremendously ok. I teach with everything I've got. I dun need to tolerate your disgusting attitude. I've done my part and I can swear that I gave my best. If you look down on me, get another one! I dun see why I must and have to teach you.

Think the money is earned so easily? Think again! You haven't even worked for your whole life before! If money is earned so easily, there wouldn't be any poor people on earth! Everyone will be rich! Think tuition earns you a lot? Try it. Yes, I dare you to.

Maria Mena - Just Hold Me

Comfortable as I am
I need your reassurance
And comfortable as you are
You count the days

But if I wanted silence
I would whisper
And if I wanted loneliness
I'd choose to go
And if i liked rejection
I'd audition
And if I didn't love you
You would know

And why can't you just hold me
And how come it is so hard
And do you like to see me broken
And why do I still care
still care

You say you see the light now
At the end of this narrow hall
I wish it didn't matter
I wish I didn't give you all

But if I wanted silence
I would whisper
And if I wanted loneliness
I'd choose to go
And if i liked rejection
I'd audition
And if I didn't love you
You would know

And why can't you just hold me
And how come it is so hard
And do you like to see me broken
And why do I still care

Poor little misunderstood baby
No one likes a sad face
But I can't remember life without him
I think I did have good days
I think I did have good days

And why(why) can't you just hold me
And how come it is so hard
And do you like to see me broken
And why do I still care

Love it song. The melody got stuck in me once I heard it...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=02_NLgATkv0&feature=related

Rushed songwriting this morning. Couldn't write anything out last night. No inspiration at all... Everything that came out was bullshit...

But yeah, I managed to complete it this morning and rushed to sch to record it. I need to thank rain for the backing track as well as setting up studio D for me to record despite being so tired.

No more slacking now. Trying very hard to tell myself that. Argh...

It has been quite a wonderful day today up till 7pm.

I got a scare from Iskandar while he was telling us a ghost story. I was so scared that I couldn't control the tears from flowing out from my eyes lah... In the middle of FC6... So embarrassing!

Had fun with the girls cam-whoring with STing's mac. So fun! I like the pic of the scary me!

Coordinated with Lester today to get some MUMI class practice done. I love the result! The impact is so funny! Haha... It has been a good time experimenting.

Arranging was fun today too! We learnt about "funk" and I love it! I dun find funk boring at all... I so wanna play as well as Maceo Parker... My saxophone playing is LIFELESS... Just like me, LISTLESS...

Hurting, hurting and hurting. The pain from my gums is distracting me from work! And I can't even talk loudly :(

Songwriting is dued this thurs! ARGH!!! I need inspiration!

I wanna work out and hopefully it makes me feel happier and gets me fitter! I am gonna plan a regime and stick through it! Self discipline Vera!

I need to stop myself from spending so much money. I dunno if I am getting a retail therapy or what so ever, cos I spent so much in just these 2 months! OMG... I'm gonna go bankrupt if I continue to spend like this! Hopefully, it's dued to having to prepare for the new year (new clothes, etc.).

I miss my beloved...

KILL ME PLEASE!!!

No, don't try to screw me up. I want my kind of life, not yours. You've not planned the first 19 years of my life, don't try to do it now. I'm not used to it and I don't even like it.

I've planned every stage of my life up till now, what subjects to study, what school to go to. Don't try to tell me where I should go or what I should do now... I am not someone you can manipulate anymore after leaving me to make all my choices in life myself.

I am now stucked between you and my dreams. Each threatening to kill... But yeah, I'll always give in to you in the end. Which makes me so sad and depressed. Because I know that no matter how hard I try and give to achieve my dream, you will blow it...

You made it every clear that you would like me in a 5-day work week, 8 to 5pm job. But I hate those kindda jobs you know? It's so irritating and boring... I need an ever changing environment. I want fun and laughter in my work. I want a sense of achievement and joy from my work. I can't stay in an office. I can't get stuck to my desk. I absolutely HATE IT...

My thanks for 2008.

It's coming to the end of 2008 and I have a few special people to thank for helping me pull through this year. Without them, I won't know where I'll be right now (probably pretty screwed up). It's very long, so you can choose not to read it.

Thank you Ginny, for supporting me through whatever I wanna do. You are a great listener despite all my rantings. Your support brought me through a lot of things.

Thank you Audrey, for always being my friend, no matter how I am.

Thank you Chloe, for passing me some of your happiness and cheerful spirit!

Thank you Evan, for being there, whether you are in good temper or not. :P

Thank you Felix, for dropping by my phone whenever I need someone to flare up at... And thank you for showing me the blatant and painful truth every time. Can't you let me live in my own world sometimes? Haha... You've been a great source of destress.

Thank you Pei Ling, for pulling through the camp with me, no matter what the end result will be.

Thank you Jimmy, for tolerating the shit that I've given you due to my project. Thank you for helping me so much.

Thank you Pei Zhen for being closer to me now. It's another burden off my shoulders and being closer to my sister means a lot to me! Blood is still thicker than water.

Of course, not forgetting general thanks to everyone else.

Thank you DMAT lecturers for helping me whenever you can. Your care and concerns for me can be deeply felt.

Thank you 'DMAT the 2nd' for all the fun times they have given me this year. Being in class can be very stress-relieving with all the jokes going around. I love all the self-proclaimed "tea breaks" too! :)... For those of you who helped me in my work, thank you too! I know who you are, but if I write it out, the list will be too long.. Haha...

Thank you to all my other relatives and friends who cared and stayed by me this year. I know I dun really show concern to you guys often. So, thank you for being my friend. =)

Lastly, thank you baby, for standing by me no matter how much I've changed or how cold I am to you sometimes. Your love and support means a lot to me. Thank you for taking care of me even when you aren't feeling good yourself. Thank you for putting me above everything else.

Ok, as usual, time to stress and motivate myself. =(


Deadlines

2 Jan - Arranging (Close to you)
8 Jan - Songwriting (Changes)
14 Jan - MUMI (Mother's Day clip)
28 Jan - Arranging (large ensemble)
4 Feb - MUMI (collaboration with DDM)
6 Feb - REMT surround sound
11 Feb - POD final submission


Ok, I am feeling stressed now... *biting my nails*

No, I'm not going to forgive you and give way to you till you say sorry... The world doesn't revolve around you, and you have to be responsible for your actions.

Absolutely no mood in doing any work... My eyes hurt badly and I find it hard to keep it open... I wonder how I can bite through this all and survive in the end... But I know, somehow or rather, I will make it through... Just not with flying colours...

Everything's driving me mad other than friends - family, sch, relationships, work, etc.

I wanna break free...

It scares me to know how much you check on me when I thought I had all the freedom in the world. It's too much of a coincidence for it to be true... It's not like it's the first few sms, it's way back...

It scares me, scares me so much that you are posessive in your own way... You sort of give me freedom, but controls in from behind... It's so scary that my I'm having goosebumps while writing this.

Your face shows no weird emotion even when you are investigating me... You can still smile at me when I ask you what's wrong... I can't tell at all... And this is freakingly scary... Like I've kept a time-bomb close beside me...

And yes, this is driving me mad... It's not anyone, but you... The one I held so dear...

The song "t-shirt" is stuck in my head again...

Ah... I need a break! Year 3 life is emotionally stressful... LOL...

Everytime I just feel like I'm on the verge of breaking down any moment and then I don't... LOL... so tiring man... Thank goodness there are friends beside me to lean on when I'm tired and cheer me up with jokes when I'm not in a good mood.

Now that 2008 is coming to an end soon, I wanna thank all the people that made a difference in my life this year. Everyone who have given me every little support, even if it's in the form of an sms or a pat on the shoulder. Thank you :)

I finally managed to compose an email to him after loads of tears and pain... I don't know how I can hold my head up high towards him from today on. Feel like a criminal :(

Really dunno how to write to Jimmy about the camp. I just can't seem to phrase anything right... I feel so bad towards him. It's now no longer about results, but the fact that he trusted us to do this right --- And we screw it up instead. I feel that I've let him and other lecturers down...

I find writing the email such a painful process... The camp was like my baby. And now I'm killing it before it becomes a monster... It's like having an abortion after you realised that your baby won't be able to grow well... And i've allowed my baby to grow from May till now... Should have aborted it earlier... It's dangerous to abort after 3 months and that is precisely the situation that I am in.

No longer thinking of doing well. Just wanna pass and get out of here. I am giving myself more stress than I can handle...

Super emotional these days...

Super super tired... Guess I am not the only one... So tired that I feel like vomiting every single day...

A few things are on hand now:
1. Music Camp - TV interview, finding people still
2. MUMI Assignment 3 and 4
3. ARR Assignment 3 and 4
4. POD Presentation on Mon
5. Resume
6. Interview

Can't remember the others... LOL... Too tired le...

Heard a bad news today... Damn sad... Putting all my sadness into doing work... So I'm super efficient now other than the fact that I keep feeling like vomiting... Damn...

So tired... I seem to find everything (including simple stuff) to be taking a lot of effort these days. Maybe I old le... Haha... Year 3 in DMAT is really not easy... But I'll get pass it! I will! And I must! With flying colours.

I am just trying to encourage myself for a little. Haha... I bought Jay's Album today. It's quite good. Very Jay style and enjoyable.

Blogging to rem my info... haas... weird way, but hopefully it helps...

Chord Scales

Major Key:
Imaj7 IImin7 IIImin7 IVmaj7 V7 VImin7 VIImin7b5

Minor Key:
Imin7 IImin7b5 bIIImaj7 IVmin7 Vmin7 bVImaj7 bVII7


Chord Theory

Major 7th: 1 3 5 7

Minor 7th: 1 b3 5 b7

Dominant 7th: 1 3 5 b7

Augmented 7th: 1 3 #5 b7

Diminished 7th: 1 b3 b5 bb7

Half diminished 7th: 1 b3 b5 b7


Scale Theory

Minor (natural): 1 2 b3 4 5 b6 b7

Minor (harmonic): 1 2 b3 4 5 b6 7

Minor (melodic - up): 1 2 b3 4 5 6 7

Minor (melodic - down): b7 b6 5 4 b3 2 1


Woodwind instruments

Piccolo (8va)
Flute (x)
Oboe (x)
Cor anglais (P5 down)
Bassoon (x)
Bb Clarinet (M2 down)
A Clarinet (m3 down)
Eb Clarinet (m3 up)
Bass Clarinet (M9 down)
Contra Bassoon (x)


Horn

Bb Soprano Sax (M2 down)
Eb Alto Sax (M6 down)
Bb Tenor Sax (M9 down)
Eb Alto Saxophone (8vb + M6 down)


Brass

Bb Trumpet (M2 down)
Bb Cornet (M2 down)
French Horn (P5 down)
Bb Trombone (x)
Bb Bass Trombone (x)
Tuba (x)


Strings

Violin (x)
Viola (x)
Cello (x)
Doublebass (8vb)
Guitar (8vb)
Electric Bass (8vb)


Percussion

Timpani (x)
Snare Drum (x)
Bass Drum (x)
Cymbal (x)
Vibes (x)
Marimba (x)
Xylophone (8va)
Celesta (8va)
Piano (x)
Harp
Glokespiel (2 8va)

Went out slightly with Audrey ystd and it was great fun. Glad everything's cleared! I'm so happy!

Read a chinese love story novel ystd and the pain in my heart caused me to tear. Haas. I am so emotional.

Loads of things to complete within these few weeks. shan't list them down as I am already stressed enough. Don't need to help seeing them. Haas... Escaping!

Something funny happened today. Sly's "je" on facebook text me asking about him. LOL... I acted blur and ask her who she is... Such a funny person... Haas...

I wanna go for a few concerts and clinics. For now, 8 nov and 20 nov is booked for concerts! Yeah!!!

Just finished watching "Lust, Caution". Feeling loads of emotions at one go... Desperately emo... Don't like the ending at all. I never liked unhappy endings. Why must love be ever linked with caution? Why must someone love cautiously? I don't like it...

Love is a free emotion. Hurt not your love ones...
But we always do. Who am I to talk about these? Haas...

Anyways, school starts tml. Days and days of working non-stop shall be starting. Part of me looks forward to it. I wanna see how much I can grow and stretch myself. Another part loathes it. Haas... I am so complicated. Whatever...

Many things running through my mind. Past, future, now...

May I be guided along the right way...

Went back to school yesterday for electronic band practice. I kindda missed it quite a lot. Wanted to keep playing the baritone sax... So nice... I got some bruises on my neck due to it though. Haas... But still... shoik!

Finding it very hard to get inspired and write lyrics now. No words and rhymes seem to want to come into my head now...

Gonna list down the things that I have to do today:
1. Gantt chart for POD camp
2. Look through camp stuffs in detail
3. Write lyrics (POD and songwriting)

Argh... Can something inspire me please? Or can anyone slap me to wake my brain up please!

Am still sick... Cant even go to school to do work. I am in deep shit. Nothing's done yet and they are all quite major.

POD isn't going well. Cant seem to get any schools or any participants at all. DIE... 16 credit units. ARGH. So stressed. It's the module that makes or breaks my final GPA.

Gotta give tuition on sat. Hope I can go. Dun wanna leave a bad impression on my first few lessons.

Vera's pulling her hair out at home but can't do anything about it due to being sick. DIMMIT!!!

Ok, I am here to complain, complain and complain... So if you can't take it, please don't read it. I've warned you! :)

Been sick the past few days, like seriously seriously sick. Coughing only during the night (my cough is nocturnal like me) and having to do crap in the morning. My family organised this "gong tek" thing for my dad, my grandparents, my great grandparents as well as some other dead relatives. So there was a lot of praying, folding of hell bank notes and of course burning of incense. And you know how much everything for 2 days cost? 20k. It's crazy man. I rather give that kindda money to poorer people. That might be more meaningful. I mean, they are dead, why not spend the money on living people who might die without the money?

Anyways, I went there for these 2 days with the preparation to be scolded and to face shit. Thankfully, I was prepared for the worst. So nothing that I faced there was worst than what I've guess. I treated every shit like a joke, so like you probably guessed, these 2 days were real funny. The first day started with me greeting a relative, and as I was sick, she couldn't hear me over the noise. So she looked at me and said, "Wah, now grow up already dunno how to greet people already is it?" LOL... My sis asked me to reply, "Wah, now you old already cannot hear already is it?". Of course I didn't say anything. But it's really funny.

My sis got scolded a lot on the second day, for no obvious reasons too. Haas. And the adult insisted that he's right. Damn, my mum was angry at him. Haas. Everything look like a joke to me still. Oh, and loads of people cried when they say my dad's pic. I didn't feel a thing, not even a pinch. I was wondering why they cried. I think I have come to terms that he's gone forever and nothing can bring him back. He's still me beloved father and the one I look upon and respect, but I need not cry cause it'll not bring him back anyway.

Well, I shan't write the other jokes cos it'll take half the day to talk about them. Ask me if you're interested. That's all :)

Got to start working for my assignments tml. Tml is the day. Partly looking forward and yet dreading it. It's back to the cold and hard seats in school.

Practice resumes tml. I hope I remembr to bring my scores! LOL... Missing the baritone sax. Lets spice it up baby! When the sexy sax comes in~~~

Missing school loads and I have a number of ppl on my list to meet still. Hope I can catch them this holidays! Oh man, I miss the beach.

what I wanna do tml:
- arrange my remt
- practice hard

For now, back to movies! :)

Once and once again, you hurt me.

Tons and tons of scars you inflict on me.

Days and days of blaming me.

When is it ever enough?

When can you stop it?

When can you open your eyes and look at what I have done for you?

I long to be gone.

I long to fly away and fly up high, into my sky.

I long to let the rain wash away my tears.

I long to be loved once again, when hurt was never in my dictionary of words.

And yet, I still stay by you.

Maybe, maybe I'll be gone one day.

Take care if that ever ever happens.

For now, open your eyes and look at me.

Ystd was fun as I got to eat Gelare again!!! Haas... So happy... But sad that I cant finish it... Stupid stomach. I think my gastric weak leh... Then now my lungs also. Happy happy just give me cough. Dimmit!

Ok... Today finally got mood to talk about Poly Forum! Haas... Btw, if you guys haven't noticed, I am back!!! Tada!!!

Poly Forum started of seriously boring, team building games and such. Then we went to bowl. That was fun and I scored 84 points I think :). It was fun watching Chloe play! So cute... Haas... Anyways, we had BBQ session that night and it turned out to be a sharing session of jokes and such. Quite fun. Spent a whole night talking about stage managing and stuffs later in the night.

So the second day was tiring after not sleeping the night before. But like always, I am more high when I am tired. We went to Hortpark to practice. didn't know such a place existed. A very nice place indeed, if not for the hot hot weather. Practicing under the hot sun is not fun at all, especially when you are in dark blue top and skinnies. Felt like fainting... After that we had a teranium workshop. I just wanted to get over and done with during that. Had some sleep on the second night.

Third day was crazy. Kept rushing about, being the makeup artist as the others aren't available. quite fun though seeing the guys faces and hear them complaint about makeup. Haha. I am evil!!! Anyways, didn't have much time to do my makeup and it was done in a rush. Thankfully, it turned out ok. Just ok. The rehearsal was normal and I was a little afraid that I'll forget stuffs during the performance. Then before I know, the performance has started and it was seriously AWESOME!!! I had real fun and I remembered every single shit. Haas. Kept screaming during the performance. I guess the good thing about percussion is that your mouth is free during performance... There were lots of cam whoring time during the wait for the next performance and talking cock time! LOL... The party after the performance was crazy too! I forgot all about the pain in my toes and the tiredness of my body and kept jumping in heels! LOL... That night was ok... Everyone's tired and wanted to sleep already. I managed to get to the beach but not for long. Mei Xian didn't allow me to stay there myself :(... Managed to get there before sunrise too! Yay! I miss it still... The cool breeze blowing through your hair and the beautiful colours that lights up the sky... Shiok. Thanks to Charles and Mei Xianfor going there with me! :)

Made a lot of friends there during the Poly Forum. Ridwan, Fi Fi, Alif, Amir, JK, Tiac Woooooo, Kit, Jokhie, Charles, Faiz, Eugene, Sylvester, Hanifi, Samuel, Mei Xian, and loads others. Sorry if I miss out any names... Those that I know beforehand not included! Haas... Miss you guys... Loads... Oh, and not forgetting Han and Rene! and my percussion student facilitator. I think she's younger than me! :)

Eww... Everything that goes down feels like coming out. How do I gain more weight and fats at this rate? Dimmit!!! Nothing to do just now, so I did something to one of my pics with earphones. I like the effect it gave. Limegreen :)




Pretty right? LOL... **Vomit**

Anyways, class outing tml... Time to cycle and work my leg muscles! Tone it girl, tone it! Maybe going for a dip in the pool tml? Relax and chill my back... Aching like shit still... Water therapy? Haas... Anyways, saw something interesting today.

Psychology depicts love as a cognitive and social phenomenon. Psychologist Robert Sternberg formulated a triangular theory of love and argued that love has 3 different components: intimacy, commitment, and passion. Intimacy is a form in which 2 people share confidences and various details of their personal lives (usually in friendships and romantic love affairs). Commitment, on the other hand, is the expetation that the relationship is permanent. The last and most common form of love is sexual attraction and passion. Passionate love is shown in infatuation as well as romantic love. All forms of love are viewed as varying combinations of these 3 components.

Following developments in electrical theories, such as Coulomb's law, which showed that positive and negative charges attract, analogs in human life were developed, such as "opposites attract". However, in the last century, research on the nature of human mating has generally found this not to be true. Infact, people tend to like people similar to themselves (I agree!). However, in a few and unusual and specific domains, suchas immune systems, it seems that humans prefer others who ae unlike themselves, since this will lead to a baby which has the best of both worlds (interesting! I also want!). In recent years, various uman bonding theories have been developed, described in terms of attachments, ties, bonds and affinities.

Some western authorities disaggregate into 2 main components, the altruistic and narcissistic. The view is represented in the works of Scott Pect, whose works in the field of applied psychology explored the definitions of love and evil. He maintians that love is a combination of the "cpncern for the spiritual growth of another" and simple narcissism. In combination, love is an activity, no simply a feeling.

Love is an activity! Come on! Let's love!

Something is freaking wrong with my body. I have absolutely no appetitie and I feel like vomitting out every thing I ate... Crazy body!

Why would anyone want a boyfriend who's hair is pink, walks and acts like a sissy and everything about him is nothing but pink? and he's nowhere near cool to start with.

Sorry, I am being random. Just needed to get it out.

Btw, peeps! I am officially back from Poly Forum and I need to get started with my assignments! POD 1 and 2, songwriting (haven't handed it it yet) and REMT (which I hope to do with Chloe and Grace)...

Looking forward to the class gathering BBQ tml evening. Missing my fellow DMATs. Dun ask me why, I just miss them!

I wanna get my life back. I've been living without a life for far too long and it's sickening. LOL...

I recieved an email from a friend today and this is what it says:


Dancing With God

When I meditated on the word Guidance,
I kept seeing 'dance' at the end of the word.
I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like dancing.
When two people try to lead, nothing feels right.
The movement doesn't flow with the music,
and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky.
When one person realises that, and lets the other lead,
both bodies begin to flow with the music.
One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back
or by pressing lightly in one direction or another.
It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully.
The dance takes surrender, willingness,
and attentiveness from one person
and gentle guidance and skill from the other.

My eyes drew back to the word Guidance.
When I saw 'G', I thought of God, followed by 'u' and 'i'.
"God, 'u' and 'i' 'dance'."
God, you and I dance.
As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust
that I would get guidance about my life.
Once again, I became willing to let God lead.
My prayer for you today is that God's blessings
and mercies be upon you on this day and everyday.
May you abide in God as God abides in you.
Dance together with God, trusting God to lead
and to guide you through each season of your life.
This prayer is powerful and there is nothing attached.
If God has done anything for you in your life,
please share this message with someone else,
for prayer is one of the best gifts we can recieve.
There is no cost but a lot of rewards,
so let's continue to pray for one another.
And I Hope You Dance


I am not a christian but I do believe in God (a person with different names in different religions). And I extend this prayer to all my friends and loved ones.

Always look at what you have left. Never look at what you have lost. - Robert H. Schuller

I look at some of my old friends now and I think, "Holy crap, I don't like how they are turning out to be!"

What do you feel when you see this picture?

Not really in the mood to do anything recently, but all the assignments are dued soon. So I am back to remind myself:

tml - PAM report dued
thurs - meeting jimmy for music camp
fri - GEMS report dued
next wed - POD dued, arranging dued
next fri - MUMI dued

I am so screwed...

I guess I've been trying too hard. I guess I've given too much. And I guess that it's true that when you give someone something, they'll ask for more. And I've got no more to give. I am drained.

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