What the hell is wrong with the running of some organisations? Politics is so damn clear in there. It's f***ing screwed up! Damn... At times like this, I wonder what the hell is up in the minds of the people up there. So much about what they keep preaching... It's time they look back at what they stand for and what is happening right now...

LOL... I dropped 2kgs in 2 days...

Ok... I have been asked to update my blog... And so I shall because I don't have a mind of my own right now...

Life's been great at work. Wonderful colleaugues and work environment with a small gym area. I am the youngest in the lot and I get pampered by them all... With someone to buy me tea everyday, something I enjoy so much... But nothing's special going on... I need somthing to ignite my life... Something interesting :)

Sly's going into army next month... I can't bear to let him go... Not my baby... May the 2 yrs be a quick one... And I shall find many things to do during this time...

Life's been a struggle for some of my friends and it pains me to see that happen. I know how it feels like to struggle to break through your burdens everyday. To wake up and tell yourself that you need to walk on despite it all... I know... And I'll be here for you. Juest stretch out your arms to me, I can't help if you dont'...

For anyone of you wondering where I've disappeared to again, I have not died. I am back to work for 2 weeks already! Haha... Guess I really can't bear to stay homw for too long. It kindda makes me feel useless :P

Anyway, I work till 5.30pm everyday, so I can meet up with you guys! Chloe & Audrey, ask me out pls... :P... I wanna go to a concert soon. I haven't been to one for so long that I miss catching one!

Milli, Zaki, I still haven't met you guys. Please find an evening for me pls? Haha... Kindda miss school mates and hanging out mates. Ginny, you are one of them too! And Siew Ting, where's my long awaited GeLare? :(

Haha... Anyway, hope life's great for all of you who cares about me! :)

I went to do relief teaching at a student care today. Some of the students are so cute, handsome or pretty... It makes me wonder if I really don't want any kids in the future... Perhaps I do. And perhaps I wouldn't even mind staying at home to take care of them and home school them... LOL...

A lot of my perspective in life has changed and is changing. I think it's all part of growing. I remember my dream when I was young. It's to find a prince and marry him, and also be a psychologist. Haha... So much have changed since then... Oh, how I miss the days when there were no worries. Haha... Dream on... :)

I am quite irritated with myself. Slacking is one thing, slacking without aims in life is another. I know I always push myself too hard, but I don't know how not to. I am so irritated that I can't find the concrete aims in my life right now. I hope I find it soon before I drive myself nuts.

Had a sleepless night yesterday even though I was quite tired. Something is bothering me but I have no idea what. I need to get out and going soon. Staying at home ain't doing me good.

I find life without any aims useless and not worth living. I will not submit myself to that. NEVER.

I should get myself another good book to read now... And a nice cup of coffee perhaps. I have been thinking about the cute kitten all morning. It's amazing that I kindda miss it. LOL...

Here I am sitting at Starbucks with a long time friend. Haha. I finally started gaining back my balance in life. If there's one thing that I've learnt during these few months, it would be that family and friends are seriously important.

Talking to friends about crap, sitting down and just chilling out, doing nothing important at all. I miss all that man...

Yesterday's graduation was great. It's calming to see all my classmates and lecturers again. Jimmy really came back to see us! He's looking great. SMU must be so much better. I hope we can find time to meet up again before the guys go into army.

I want to get back in touch with music again. Chloe, all the best for 29th! Please spur me on in my aim to get back in touch :P. I hope to meet you soon!

Went back to office to clear up everything today. Finally a load off my mind.

David' birthday chalet's tml till mon. My grad's on mon, Sly's thurs. Got to find time to excercise to create positive cells :P

Can't wait to see all my classmates again. Heard that Jimmy's coming on our Grad too. So happy!!! Haha. He's really nice to us. Actually, all our lecturers are nice to us :P... We're quite a fortunate bunch.

Gelare... I haven't had it for months. Siew Ting, when are you bringing me out for it?

I suddenly want to have a shopping spree. I want to buy all the books that attract me. I want to buy tibits and stock them up in my room (I have done a little of this already). I want clothes, shoes, hats, sunglasses, perfumes, makeup, bags and toys... LOL... I am starting to sound materialistic.

Anyways, I am finding my life. May I find it soon...

Life

Sorry for disappearing guys! I guessed I was too caught up in work again. Well, I guess that you guys are used to it :P

Haha. Anyways, this few months made me understand something every important in life. It also made me understand the things that are important to me in life. I have always thought that a career/job is very important to me and that I want to do very very well in it. But I guess that I was always wrong.

I CANNOT give up my life, my family and my friends for success in a career. I CANNOT let someone step over me and crash me just for the hope to learn more. I CANNOT endure being scolded for something that ain't my fault. I rather be happy then "successful" in others eyes. To me, having a happy life is SUCCESS.

Anyways, you might be thinking that "Vera's crapping again". LOL... I don't blame you. This is just my thought in life, you may/may not have yours (yet).

Also, please contact me and ask me out my friends! Haha. I am gonna take a break for a while. Which means "NO WORK"!!! Haha! Starting from next week. And for DMATters, see you guys on tue!

I was sitting on my bed in the afternoon today when my mum came back home. She asked me, "What's wrong with you? Why are you looking emo?".

Haha... Perhaps I really was...

I think that I am still perhaps a perfectionist inside of me. I want my life to be beautiful, not even a shade of grey. No, I can't accept that. Perhaps that's what making me so sad and emo... That my life wasn't the way I wanted it to be...

I want a beautiful life. Will I achieve it in the end? Or do I get a beautiful lie?

Happy Lunar New Year to all who reads my blog! Especially friends and classmates!

Chinese New Year holiday is over in no time at all... Two more weeks to go in sch... Got to chiong all the way!

I am determined to make it! And I must! Haha... I see a bit of light in my life today... I might have a future afterall... Haha...

CNY was fun although short. Been around a few of my relatives home and I had the company of my treasured one for the whole of ystd... I think he brought me loads of luck. Won a little ystd on blackjack... Haha... I miss playing it with my family so much tt I went down to it straight away when they started.

I still haven't got to learn how to play majong... Haha... when are you going to teach me baby?

Super pissed off by someone. You think teaching is so damn easy? Why don't you try it for yourself. Especially your student don't even trust you in what you teach. Come on, if you think that I can't teach you well, find another one!

I made loads of students improve tremendously ok. I teach with everything I've got. I dun need to tolerate your disgusting attitude. I've done my part and I can swear that I gave my best. If you look down on me, get another one! I dun see why I must and have to teach you.

Think the money is earned so easily? Think again! You haven't even worked for your whole life before! If money is earned so easily, there wouldn't be any poor people on earth! Everyone will be rich! Think tuition earns you a lot? Try it. Yes, I dare you to.

Maria Mena - Just Hold Me

Comfortable as I am
I need your reassurance
And comfortable as you are
You count the days

But if I wanted silence
I would whisper
And if I wanted loneliness
I'd choose to go
And if i liked rejection
I'd audition
And if I didn't love you
You would know

And why can't you just hold me
And how come it is so hard
And do you like to see me broken
And why do I still care
still care

You say you see the light now
At the end of this narrow hall
I wish it didn't matter
I wish I didn't give you all

But if I wanted silence
I would whisper
And if I wanted loneliness
I'd choose to go
And if i liked rejection
I'd audition
And if I didn't love you
You would know

And why can't you just hold me
And how come it is so hard
And do you like to see me broken
And why do I still care

Poor little misunderstood baby
No one likes a sad face
But I can't remember life without him
I think I did have good days
I think I did have good days

And why(why) can't you just hold me
And how come it is so hard
And do you like to see me broken
And why do I still care

Love it song. The melody got stuck in me once I heard it...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=02_NLgATkv0&feature=related

Rushed songwriting this morning. Couldn't write anything out last night. No inspiration at all... Everything that came out was bullshit...

But yeah, I managed to complete it this morning and rushed to sch to record it. I need to thank rain for the backing track as well as setting up studio D for me to record despite being so tired.

No more slacking now. Trying very hard to tell myself that. Argh...

It has been quite a wonderful day today up till 7pm.

I got a scare from Iskandar while he was telling us a ghost story. I was so scared that I couldn't control the tears from flowing out from my eyes lah... In the middle of FC6... So embarrassing!

Had fun with the girls cam-whoring with STing's mac. So fun! I like the pic of the scary me!

Coordinated with Lester today to get some MUMI class practice done. I love the result! The impact is so funny! Haha... It has been a good time experimenting.

Arranging was fun today too! We learnt about "funk" and I love it! I dun find funk boring at all... I so wanna play as well as Maceo Parker... My saxophone playing is LIFELESS... Just like me, LISTLESS...

Hurting, hurting and hurting. The pain from my gums is distracting me from work! And I can't even talk loudly :(

Songwriting is dued this thurs! ARGH!!! I need inspiration!

I wanna work out and hopefully it makes me feel happier and gets me fitter! I am gonna plan a regime and stick through it! Self discipline Vera!

I need to stop myself from spending so much money. I dunno if I am getting a retail therapy or what so ever, cos I spent so much in just these 2 months! OMG... I'm gonna go bankrupt if I continue to spend like this! Hopefully, it's dued to having to prepare for the new year (new clothes, etc.).

I miss my beloved...

KILL ME PLEASE!!!

No, don't try to screw me up. I want my kind of life, not yours. You've not planned the first 19 years of my life, don't try to do it now. I'm not used to it and I don't even like it.

I've planned every stage of my life up till now, what subjects to study, what school to go to. Don't try to tell me where I should go or what I should do now... I am not someone you can manipulate anymore after leaving me to make all my choices in life myself.

I am now stucked between you and my dreams. Each threatening to kill... But yeah, I'll always give in to you in the end. Which makes me so sad and depressed. Because I know that no matter how hard I try and give to achieve my dream, you will blow it...

You made it every clear that you would like me in a 5-day work week, 8 to 5pm job. But I hate those kindda jobs you know? It's so irritating and boring... I need an ever changing environment. I want fun and laughter in my work. I want a sense of achievement and joy from my work. I can't stay in an office. I can't get stuck to my desk. I absolutely HATE IT...