What went wrong?

I have no idea what happened suddenly. His temper suddenly burst and suddenly I saw an image of his father in him. That's quite worrisome to see. I hope he doesn't ever become like him. People always say that we will somehow be influenced by the surroundings and company that we are in. But with him, I really always believe that he has powerful determination and can remain the special one out of even the worst company... That was what I believed in. And now, this is my hope...

Perhaps I wasn't the same person he felt in love with. Perhaps he's undergoing stressful events now. Perhaps my temper became worst recently. I am not the best person to be with, but I hope he'll still want to be around me.

That's love isn't it? When your love one change, you can still accept them. I need to learn acceptance all over again.

Emo...

I realised I always like to write when I'm feeling down. Perhaps due to the fact that there aren't much ways in which I can let those feelings out.

Things been a little frustrating since I went out twice in a week till 11+. Mum's not really happy about it and is kind of giving me the silent treatment whenever possible. I can feel the anger, disappointment and unhappiness radiating off her, making the stay at home together with her kind of hard.

I understand her views of friendship between a guy and a girl. She doesn't believe in friendship between opposite sexes. But there's absolutely nothing that I can do about that. Most of my close friends happen to be guys. And I mean happen. I didn't purposely made it that way. I just feel more comfortable around them, without the need to keep up pretenses and without the need to think before I say.

And I can't go out with them in a group because I got to know them from different places, different occasions. There aren't common friends among them.

At this age and after showing her that I am stable for so many years. I am disappointed too that she doesn't trust me around guys. She seems to think that it is inappropriate behaviour and refuses to listen to me. If she could have listened, she would come to an understanding that I see them no more as friends and vice-versa. And she had her own share of guy friends in the past too, though they were in a group. I think it's unfair for her to see me in this light.

She told me to stop being a social butterfly years ago, and I listened to her. But this I cannot follow her rules. Looking back, my days being a social butterfly was lots of fun and I grew a lot then. My communication skills were probably picked up then too, not that I am really good at it.

I have already tried to reduce the number of times I go out with my guy friends. I have already taken a step back and I hope she will too. That she will understand. I don't dream of her accepting everything about me, just need from her an understanding that I can handle this myself...

Just not a constant blogger

I guess I am not the kind who constantly blogs about their life. There's been lots of ups and downs these few months. Grandparents aren't doing well, school's started and I now need to think of ways to save more, everyone's getting on with life and I don't have time to follow up on all of them... I am still the procrastinator I was from the start of the year, but I'm slowly trying to change all that, one step at a time.

I need to find time to do music and heal my soul. Find time to do things I actually like doing, do something stupid and laugh at myself once in a while, catch up with friends and talk about nothing of concern at all... Time to write some songs too, to remind myself of how much I actually do like it.

I am actually less of a loner recently. I got to know new classmates in school (yeah!), Sharon (in macro's class), Woon Shan (in CF), Alex (in MSM), 巧妙 (in FR, and yes, her name is really special, she was the first I got to know among the 4).

Went to sengkang with Sly yesterday for his 审查. Had to buy a shirt in a short time, luckily there was metro at compasspoint. My hp died on me and I had to wait for him at the control station for like 20mins, without means to contact him. LOL. That was an experience of a decade... You can't imagine the wash of relief I felt when I finally saw him. And that set me thinking, what was I feeling every time I saw him? I think I stopped noticing how I felt for a long time... That has to change for us to feel the same bond I think?

Ok, enough procrastination, back to my readings...

KTV 容祖儿 心情不好

When I'm hurt...

I scrutinize everything and I become hell sarcastic...

[KTV]A-Lin - 今晚你想念的人是不是我

ALin-愛請問怎麼走 KTV

Shit always happens all at one go...

And how ironic that everyone is talking about "THE VOW" movie on facebook now... when the I just realised how far apart I am from the person I wish to take the vow with...

我已经不知道了。。。

当我以为我拥有最好的，

当我以为我最懂，

当我以为我不会再错了，

当我已经在等待走上属于我的红地毯，

我却发现我拥有，了解，认定，等待的那个人。。。是个陌生人。。。

坠落谷底，是这种感受吗？

io樂團 - 瑕疵

作詞：Angus
作曲：Angus
編曲：io

小時候 爸媽 你看著我
你們對著我訴說 我將來的成就
有一天你會發現 你的孩子不完美
這不是誰的錯
有很多的話想對你說 只是我們的頻率不同

就原諒我吧 是我的平凡 讓你們感到遺憾
就饒了我吧 原諒我平凡 你就放過我好嗎

你說我 這樣 沒有出頭天
因為我做的一切 只是浪費時間
Oh 所有 我的夢想
你們都覺得無聊 全都不切實際
有很多的話想對你說 只是我們的頻率不同

你渴望這一切 我會盡力實現
將未來這世界 無懼的面對
路就算很迂迴 我決不後退
但有天我崩潰 背後又會有誰
我要求的不多 只要一句讚美

就原諒我 爸 是我的平凡 讓你們感到遺憾
就饒了我 爸 原諒我平凡 就放過我吧~就放過我
你就放過我好嗎 我只是太平凡....

田馥甄 - My Love (HD官方版MV)

Great song...

Random feelings...

I don't know where these random emotions are coming from... I'm feeling angry, insecure, lost, unsure, panicky, irritated, all at the same time....

I which I could tell myself it's early menopause... but it's kind of impossible at the age of 23 :(

It's so near my exams and yet I'm feeling like crap with a whole lot of unneeded emotions... What would my future be like? What do I want? How do I proceed so that I can reach the future I want? Will he be the one that marries me? Will he want me to be his partner till the end? What career am I looking for? Should I get a HBD soon? When should I get engaged? All sorts of qns keep bugging my mind... I wish I could just concentrate on my exams right now... I know I have to do things a step at a time and now the step I should take is just concentrate on exams.

But... it's easier said than done...